A snippet of conversation started on Jacky Gray’s blog prompted me to post this. Perhaps as a soul-cleansing…
Though I was never bullied, as a youth I saw it going on all around me, and – I am now ashamed to say – I simply turned a blind eye to it. I have long since changed and have spent a lot of effort with all of my kids, ensuring that they will never stand quietly by while others are mistreated. I’m proud to say they have come to me on many occasions, informing about this kind of behavior (though when my youngest was the victim of bullying she never told us – strange how that works). In my turn I’ve ensured that the school boards get to learn about it. Sadly, that seems to be the only way to stop bullying dead in its tracks – too many teachers do nothing about it.
That bullying can be so pervasive in our supposedly enlightened society is frightening.
The worst thing about bullying is that kids are still taught the same old garbage they were when I went to school forty years ago – “bullies are cowards who feel bad about themselves, and take out their inadequacy on others.” Pardon my French, but that is a load of absolute codswallop – bullies are arrogant turds who firmly believe they are better than their victims. They feel no remorse for their actions and when their victims break down and call for help these bullies attempt to rally support for their abhorrent behavior by calling their victims “snitches” or similar.
Bullies do not deserve the pity of their peers. Which is precisely what statements like “bullies feel bad about themselves” encourages.
What bullies deserve is to be called to the front of the class where they should be compelled to explain precisely why they think their behavior is acceptable. Unfortunately that is not going to happen, probably because the bullies parents won’t allow it. This makes one wonder exactly where the arrogant belief that they are better than their victims originates, doesn’t it?
Why do schools bother having policies about bullying, when teachers and people in positions of influence do nothing to enforce it? It is very easy to pay lip-service with a written policy. It is altogether much harder to change a culture that ignores injustice.
Hey CG,
I cannot tell you how pleased I am that you did not experience this for yourself, nor how sorry I am that your daughter suffered. I totally agree with so much of what you say, however as a teacher myself, I am fully aware that these arrogant creatures are sly enough never to do it in a way that can be found out/managed by teachers.
The one thing I learnt at age 13 was that unless you make a stand, they will keep on, keeping on. Most of their beef with me was that I was too self sufficient to need to be a part of their gangs. I learnt the hard way that their barbs only hurt if I allowed them in.
Imagine my surprise at 40 years of age (after 23 years being the sort of software engineer that managed departments of geeky, nerdy darlings) when I swapped careers to teach high school math. Not only was I bullied by the kids (I was no match for 30 12-year-olds intent on destroying Friday period 5), but also by the head of Math and the school Principal. I did break big time, but as I put the strands of my life back together, I finally came to terms with one of my mantras – it only hurts if you let it. I am back teaching math 2 days a week ( I write on the other five) and my life has never been better. I often come across kids who are suffering – I can always tell and I gently show them how what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.
Wrong on ever count, but I firmly believe every bad experience has a lesson in it somewhere.
Sorry to rant, but in the interests of balance …
Cheers
Jacky
xxx
There are three professions in the world for which I have the utmost respect – namely nurses, police, and teachers. You may have noted that doctors, mayors, and school administrators are not on that list.
My post made it seem that I was holding the teachers to blame for ignoring bullying. In a way I am, since they are the best line of defense against this aberrant behavior – however the real culprits are the school administrators who set the policies and give the teachers inadequate support or tools to tackle and resolve the problem. And who sets the policies that the school administrators have to adhere to? None other than the school boards. Yet it is the school boards who jump right on top of the bullying problem and take care of it – aggressively – when it is reported to them.
Why? Because as elected officials, they are concerned with anything that can give them bad publicity – bullying gives bad publicity.
Sadly, they seldom deal with the issue in a permanent fashion by instituting real policies with actual support mechanisms in place for the people on the front lines – the teachers. So bullying is handled on a case-by-case basis. In its turn this benefits the school board, because they get repeated “good publicity” every time they “take a stand against bullying”. Look at that tragic accident at Florida A&M University where a band student was hazed (a particularly vicious form of bullying) to death – the school president stands up and makes an impassioned statement on TV using foolish, yet emotive, catch phrases like “zero tolerance”, blah, blah, blah. Great publicity for him. Look behind the scenes however, and the story is far from zero tolerance – hazing has long been a persistent problem at Florida A&M… does that sound like effective policies are in place to prevent it?
I was a little harsh on teachers, for which I apologize – they are the ones caught between a rock and a hard place. We hold them responsible for taking a stand against bullying, while giving them no real support.
As I said in my original post – paying lip service to a problem is easy. Cultural change is not.
Have you seen the movie BULLY? I saw it a couple of weeks ago. The school administrators were a huge part of the problem
I haven’t seen it, Amy, however I completely agree with you – utterly ineffectual policies, which are the creation of school boards and administrators, are at the root of the problem.
You know, even beneath that – it is people who are to blame. When I was a child in school teachers commonly used corporal punishment – no one would ever question their authority. Yet bullying was rampant. I guess that what Jacky said is true – it’s hard to enforce something if you don’t know it’s happening. The people who do know it’s going on are the students, they need to be taught to tell. That is going to be very tough to achieve since “snitching” is held as poor behavior.
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