Boobs, Boobs… Glorious Boobs.

This post is about the misconceptions many women have in regard to what men think about their breasts.

During a conversation with a female friend, the topic of men’s bad behavior came about. Normally I’m fine with that. However, when I heard her opinions on why women have breast implants, I realized we men are the victims of other people’s poor choices. Feet first, I leapt to the defense of men everywhere. Read on and discover, sort of, how the conversation went…

Throughout history, men have been the cause of a lot of bad stuff. I’m a man, I’m willing to admit this, and if you subscribe to this blog or follow me on Twitter you’ll know I am not averse to addressing our shortcomings. However, there are instances in which men take the fall for something that just plain isn’t our fault.

So-called breast enhancement surgery is just that.  Blame for it is a bad rap men don’t deserve.

Before I continue, let me offer you an out. Like everything you’ll find on my blog, this post is my opinion. And, just like every other post I write or Tweet, it is the truth as I see it. I seldom try to back up my view of true with statistics, so if you’re more interested in formula than in feelings, then my blog is probably not the place for you.

Okay, the preamble is finally done, so let is get on to the conversation.

Lady:Men ask women to enlarge their breasts, and the stupid women do. They do it, but they do it for you.

My Response:

That is a complete fallacy! A fallacy which is probably propagated by an industry dedicated to making women feel insecure about themselves.

In my entire life, I have never heard a single man say they wanted their girlfriend or wife to have a boob job. Not once.

What does this tell me? It tells me woman have breast augmentation because they think they will feel better about themselves, not because of pressure from their partner.

The men I know whose girlfriends or wives had breast implants invariably went along with it because they wanted to please her. What man in his right mind would be willing to trade natural for fake? None I know. Especially when fake comes at such a high cost. No, I’m not talking about the monetary cost of an unnecessary surgery. I’m talking about the physical costs the woman’s body bears, including nerve damage, sensitivity loss, and dozens of other major health risks. I’ve never met a man who would willingly subject his partner to such enormous, pointless risks.  Especially when the only reward is fake breasts, regardless of how enormous they are.

Ladies, if men wanted fake women we’d buy inflatable dolls. But we don’t want inflatable dolls, we want you, and we want you exactly as you naturally are.

Lady: “Then why are men obsessed with big breasts?”

My Response:

I hear how men are obsessed with big boobs all the time. Not only do I hear it, but I constantly see and read it in magazines and on the internet. But strangely enough, I never hear this from other men. Never. Except when we cruelly joke about big-breasted bimbos, but that strikes me as closer to derision than obsession.

One of my daughters is a part time waitress. She’s told me how waitresses she knows who have had breast implants tell her that they get bigger tips as a result.

Do men tip waitresses with bigger boobs better? I don’t. I tip all waitresses as close to twenty percent as I can mentally calculate, unless they’ve done a shoddy job – in which case I tip them a lot less. However, from what my daughter says, and from what I’ve heard elsewhere, it seems highly plausible some men do tip women who have had breast implants better.

Lady: “Doesn’t that prove men are obsessed with big breasts?

My response:

I don’t think it does. I think it proves men are obsessed with an implicit promise of sex. They aren’t tipping better because of breast size, they are tipping better because they think if the waitress in question is willing to have her body butchered in order to attract men… Well, they think that is a very obvious, and very explicit promise of sex.

Lady: “Then, you haven’t met the ones that I have! I’ve heard women say ‘My husband wanted bigger boobs, so I granted him his wish’, and the husband even agrees!”

My response:

Unadulterated nonsense! {Admission: I didn’t use actually the word “nonsense”, I used a word that begins in “bull” followed by another four letters.}  Let me present the scenario of what I think is really happening there.

Woman: “Don’t you think I’d look better with bigger boobs?

Man, realizing he’s in potential trouble: “You already look amazing, but if you want…

Woman interjects: “So you do!!!

Man attempts to mitigate the damage with a positive, falsely enthusiastic response: “Yes!

Woman, after recovering from a pointless surgery that didn’t make her feel any better about herself, but did make all her female friends realize she is a complete idiot: “He wanted me to have it done!

Man thinks, ‘Seriously!!!??? How is this my fault? It wasn’t even my idea!’ However he isn’t stupid enough to speak aloud, so he eats humble pie and says: “Yes dear, it was all my idea.

Ladies, let me tell you precisely how your man feels about your breasts. He thinks they are perfect just the way they are. All that stuff you read, hear, and see?  All that media nonsense that insistently whispers the way you naturally are isn’t good enough? It is all lies!  Lies, designed to make you feel insecure about who you are and how you appear.  It is all lies to which you should pay no heed. If you don’t believe me, then ask your man. But don’t ask him a loaded question that hints at how he should answer. {We men really don’t do well with leading questions.} Take him somewhere private and ask him outright. Or even better, show him, and let his reaction be his reply.


I think the world has lost a great deal by objectifying sex to the point that young people are beginning to believe sex should be separated from emotion. The insecurities the mass-media sews about breast size is a perfect example of objectifying something that should be private and personal, and is beautiful the way it naturally occurs.

One size does not fit all, in anything.

Bigger is not better.

Fake never trumps real.

Even if the way you naturally are is not the media’s pronouncement of perfection, it is precisely the way we want you to be.

Before I end this post, allow me to stress that it is strictly about breast implant surgery performed for reasons of personal vanity. My heart goes out to women who have suffered mastectomies or disfigurement.  Nothing I have said here applies to you – you are a magnificent, brave person who deserves to look as visually splendid as your inner spirit already is.

Finally, if you leave this post with anything, I hope you leave it with this truth in your heart.

A woman’s breasts only come in come in one size – ideal.

About C.G.Ayling

Musing misuser of words, lover of lyrical literature, author, occasional contrary thoughts. An honorable man’s name, in memoriam.
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