The names that touch our Souls.

Some think I named our oldest daughter.  Some think I made up her unique name, for until she bore it I knew of no other who did.  I did neither of those things.


While still a teenager I had a dream in which I learnt my first child would be a girl, and that her name was Tamryn.  Not that her name would be Tamryn.  That her name already was Tamryn.  This happened about eight years before I met my then future wife, the same wonderful woman to whom I have now been married for so close to twenty-nine years it doesn’t count.

Early in our courtship, during opening negotiations, I said this to Suzanne, “Oh, by the way, our first child will be a girl and her name will be Tamryn.” {What are proposals of marriage if not negotiations of crucial importance to our long-term happiness and well-being?}  My statement was an assertion of fact, not a negotiable element in our relationship. To my surprise Suzanne accepted, with the proviso she would have the right to name our second born.  {She did, and Dannielle has rejected attempts to correct the spelling of her given name ever since, but that is an amusing story for another day :)}.

When Suzanne fell pregnant with Tamryn her gynecologist asked us if we wanted to know the baby’s gender.  Not only do I think such predeterminations are a cop-out, but I already knew both Tamryn’s gender and her name, so I said, “No.”

For all of you with unborn children, I encourage you to be concerned with your child’s health more than you are with its gender.  Suzanne and I never accepted the often repeated offers of revealed gender for any of our four children, nor did we ever want for gender appropriate clothes or toys.  And yes, there is indeed a fundamental difference between the things little girls and boys like. However, you either know that already or you’ll find out, assuming you are fortunate enough to someday look into the eyes of your own newborn. Believe me when I say that moment is one which will forever change you, and one you will never want to forget.

Our firstborn was wide awake and alert at delivery.  Tamryn’s inquisitive eyes proclaimed the answer to a riddle she had clearly pondered whilst in the womb, “So this is life!”

Mere moments after she was born, Tamryn looked deep into my heart.  I will never forget the intelligence I saw within her sparking eyes.  I knew she meant, “life on the outside”, and I also knew she was already an old soul. Indeed, I think it may have been that I knew Tamryn long before either her conception or her birth.

Could Tamryn have been any other than who she is?  I don’t believe she could.  Just as I don’t believe any of us can be other than who we are.  Yes, many choose to reveal a false face to the world, however I think in their heart they are unhappy and that their soul is deeply discontented with their deception. Is truth finally revealed not a wonderful relief?  I think that the source of that relief may well be our soul.

Your given name may not be who you feel you are.  If, on some profound level, you are not content with your name then you can change it.  Perhaps you even should.

But your Soul?

Your soul is you.  Since you cannot change your soul and it is with you for your forever, do the wise thing… treat it as best you can.  Treat your soul with honesty, for if you don’t you surely cheat yourself.  Listen closely to its seemingly indistinct murmurs, for its words are crystal clear… you need only care enough to hear.

If you’re interested in old souls encapsulated in the bodies of the young then my work, Malmaxa, might interest you.  Who knows, you may even encounter the Soul I knew long before our Tamryn was conceived.

About C.G.Ayling

Musing misuser of words, lover of lyrical literature, author, occasional contrary thoughts. An honorable man’s name, in memoriam.
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