{"id":4963,"date":"2016-02-23T11:16:53","date_gmt":"2016-02-23T16:16:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/?p=4963"},"modified":"2016-02-23T11:16:53","modified_gmt":"2016-02-23T16:16:53","slug":"on-parental-authority","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/general\/on-parental-authority\/","title":{"rendered":"on Parental Authority"},"content":{"rendered":"

This post is a brief addition and clarification of “on Father-Figures<\/a>“, so if you haven’t already read it please consider starting there.<\/p>\n

I don’t believe there has ever been any question of my parental authority with my children. Indeed I can recall remarkably few times my authority has been tested, possibly because there are lines which I simply will not allow my children to cross, and when they have reached those lines they’ve realized they really don’t want to be anywhere near them, let along across them.<\/p>\n

Some lessons we learn in a single sitting, other lessons we never learn at all.<\/p>\n

There are many who assert parents should not be friends with their children.\u00a0 Purportedly because being friends with our children somehow undermines our parental authority, but I ask, “Why?”<\/p>\n

Parents do have have an implicit authority over their children.\u00a0 That authority comes tightly bound into the enormous responsibility of raising functional children.\u00a0 Stamping out bad behavior detected in our children must be considered one such responsibility.\u00a0 Something about stamping is that to do it effectively requires authority.\u00a0 If you, the parent, have no authority then stamping will appear to your children as a meaningless little temper tantrum.\u00a0 Which is very likely something for which you probably have the audacity to chide them…<\/p>\n

How we choose to discipline our children doesn’t matter as much as that we will enforce the discipline<\/em><\/strong> we impose.\u00a0 And in order to be able to enforce said disciple, we have to have parental authority.<\/p>\n

So where does parental authority come from?<\/p>\n

It certainly doesn’t come from the biological act of fathering or mothering a child.\u00a0 Too often the biological act itself is one of irresponsibility, and it seems to me that responsibility seldom seems to derive from an irresponsible act.\u00a0 Therefore no – conceiving a child, or contributing to a child’s conception does not<\/em><\/strong> grant you parental authority.\u00a0 It is such a pity so many parents, of all ages, seem incapable of comprehending that. Screaming, “Because I’m your father!!!<\/strong><\/em>” does not serve as an effective response to the single most important question your child will ever ask you.\u00a0 Namely, “Why?”<\/p>\n

So where does parental authority come from…?<\/p>\n

Parental authority<\/em> is granted by only one thing, specifically your parental responsibility<\/em>.\u00a0 If you abdicate your parental responsibility then you have absolutely no right to assume authority over your children.\u00a0 If you don’t care enough about your children to be a responsible parent, then what possible reason do your children have to care about what you say, or about your rules, or about how you happen to feel at the moment you suddenly decide to impose your wishes on them?\u00a0 Why should they feel for you if you don’t feel for them?<\/p>\n

Our children are the biggest responsibility we will ever have.\u00a0 Nothing we do will ever matters as much as raising functional, well-adjusted, caring, and contributing children<\/em><\/strong>.\u00a0 Nothing.<\/p>\n

So before you become a parent, please be willing to accept this daunting responsibility.\u00a0 And at times it is daunting.\u00a0 Trust me on this.\u00a0 I have been a parent four times now, so I should know.\u00a0 However you may also trust me on this – being a responsible, caring parent is hands down the best thing that ever happens to us.\u00a0 Nothing compares to how our child’s love makes us feel.\u00a0 Nothing<\/p>\n

All well and good, but what have I used my parental authority to accomplish?<\/p>\n

Turns out I haven’t accomplished a whole lot on that score.\u00a0 However since it turns out my hierarchy of needs in regard to my children’s behavior is limited, I’m okay with that.\u00a0 I don’t allow my children to be rude or look down on anyone, period.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because I believe it is far better to be polite and forgotten than it is to be rude and remembered.\u00a0 And that is pretty much it.<\/p>\n

Every interaction with our children is potentially a lesson in how to love better, and if those interactions are not?\u00a0 Well then I question whether we should be teaching our children at all.\u00a0 A wonderful thing about lessons on how to love better is that as we are teaching our children, we are learning ourselves.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This post is a brief addition and clarification of “on Father-Figures“, so if you haven’t already read it please consider starting there. I don’t believe there has ever been any question of my parental authority with my children. Indeed I can recall remarkably few times my authority has been tested, possibly because there are lines […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4963","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4963","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4963"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4963\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4963"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4963"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4963"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}