Four years of editing is a long time…\u00a0 However that time has let me come back and experience my own writing as a reader might.\u00a0 When did my writing get so sad?\u00a0 It didn’t get sad, it has always provoked thoughtful sadness.\u00a0 That is just the way it is.<\/p>\n
Just the way it is…<\/p>\n
That statement makes me reflect on what my writing actually is, which I’m going to share.\u00a0 Since I can only speak for myself it might mean something completely different to you.\u00a0 I’d love to hear what you have to say about it.<\/p>\n
Malmaxa is published under the Fantasy Genre.\u00a0 But is Malmaxa fantasy?\u00a0 No, it isn’t.\u00a0 So why did I publish it as Fantasy?\u00a0 Because there isn’t a genre that fits what Malmaxa really<\/em> <\/strong>is. \u00a0 In a world that seems to demand conformity, Malmaxa simply doesn’t conform.\u00a0 I’ve called the genre into which it might fit, “Philosophy, couched as Fantasy<\/em>“.\u00a0 However Malmaxa isn’t really even that.<\/p>\n So what is Malmaxa?<\/p>\n Malmaxa is a look at the nature of people.\u00a0 It is an examination of motive.\u00a0 It is an investigation into love.\u00a0 It is a tale told by an alien soul.\u00a0 It is a love story, a mystery, a tragedy, but more than anything Malmaxa is a work that tries to provoke introspection.\u00a0 It is something that attempts to teach us about ourself, about why we are the way we are, about why we do the things we do, about why we embrace self-deceit, but above all those things Malmaxa is about why love is the meaning we’ll find in everything that truly matters to us.<\/p>\n A young author I respect wrote a review I really enjoyed reading, her name is\u00a0Amira Makansi and her review of Beltamar’s War is here<\/a>.\u00a0 Amira described it as a book in which “Nothing really happens<\/em><\/strong>“.\u00a0 I smiled.\u00a0 You see, that description provoked a line from Malmaxa, “Perception modifies truth.”\u00a0 In a way, Amira is right – in fact her review is spot on, she sees the questions the book raises and raises meaningful questions about what she sees.<\/p>\n In my opinion our society places inordinate value on action, a perception that has seeped into our thinking.\u00a0 We’ve been taught to expect “things” to happen, if you’re looking for that sort of traditional action, you won’t find much of it in Malmaxa.<\/p>\n So, no action?\u00a0 \ud83d\ude42 Another smile…<\/p>\n The vast majority of the action you’ll find in Malmaxa happens in the minds of the characters as they try to make sense of the behavior of other characters.\u00a0 Indeed, if my writing works, you’ll spend a lot of your time in the heads of a lot<\/em><\/strong> of people, and you’ll be as confused as they are.\u00a0 However you’ll be confused for an entirely different reason.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 As the reader you’re privy to the thoughts of every character, you know<\/em><\/strong> what they’re all thinking.\u00a0 Malmaxa’s characters aren’t, they are restricted to what they see and what they think, and worse, they are restricted by what they think<\/em><\/strong> they see.<\/p>\n In our minds is where we construct the world in which we live, and the world in which we live is different for us all.\u00a0 I guess that is what my writing is really about.\u00a0 The fictitious world of our private thoughts that are more real than the ground beneath our feet.<\/p>\n Where do you really live?\u00a0 On the Earth?\u00a0 Or in your mind?…<\/p>\n Where do you really dream?\u00a0 In your bed?\u00a0 Or in your heart?…<\/p>\n That is what Malmaxa is really about – the places we really live, and where we really dream.<\/p>\n Now, since I said I’d include one of my favorite parts of the first book in this post, here it is.\u00a0 It is from a section titled “Of Dragons, and Eternity”.<\/p>\n \u06f7\u06f8\u06f7\u06f8\u06de\u06f7\u06f8\u06f7\u06f8<\/p>\n Selene sat up and looked about curiously.\u00a0 From the dim light and the overhead rock formations, she knew she must be in a cavern, but had no recollection of how she came to be here.<\/p>\n She felt nothing.<\/p>\n No heat, no cold, no breeze, just\u2026 nothing.<\/p>\n Vaguely concerned, she looked down at her legs.\u00a0 They lay flat on the ground.\u00a0 Lifting one, she let it fall.\u00a0 It smacked into the stone floor with an audible, meaty smack but with no sensation of impact.\u00a0 She stood up, disquiet increasing, clenched her fists, and looked at her hands.\u00a0 Nothing unusual struck her, they were just\u2026 her hands.\u00a0 With her right hand she took a fold of flesh on her left arm and pinched, hard.<\/p>\n Nothing.<\/em><\/p>\n Now thoroughly alarmed, Selene heard her heart thumping loud in her chest, yet she could not feel its beats.\u00a0 Frantic, she glanced about.\u00a0 Her mind, normally so disciplined, had become almost incoherent with fear.\u00a0 In an attempt to calm herself she breathed deep.\u00a0 She realized she could hear her breath, but not feel it.<\/p>\n Strangely, this knowledge soothed her.\u00a0 She relaxed, hearing the muscles in her neck lose tension with slight, crackling pops as she rolled her head.\u00a0 I can hear, but not feel.\u00a0 What a strange way to live.<\/em><\/p>\n Another thought immediately followed.<\/p>\n It seemed somehow foreign, Live?\u00a0 You do not live, prey.\u00a0 You walk the pathway to Eternity.<\/em><\/p>\n The thought echoed, as though reflected back from the cavern\u2019s walls.<\/p>\n Surprised, Selene thought, Why would I have thoughts\u2026\u00a0 I do not have?\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n With an element of mimicry, the foreign thought responded, Why would I\u2026 converse with prey?<\/em><\/p>\n Hearing a scraping noise, Selene turned toward the sound.\u00a0 An enormous form lumbered toward her.\u00a0 Its golden eyes, split by the vertical slash of a pupil blacker than pitch, fixed upon her.\u00a0 Its forked tongue flicked in and out as it sampled the air.\u00a0 It seeks my scent!<\/em><\/p>\n Selene froze motionless in place as she thought, A Dragon!<\/em><\/p>\n The foreign presence responded, Dragon?\u00a0 Does Dragon move, prey?\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n Selene\u2019s fear filled mind screamed, Yes!<\/em><\/p>\n The Dragon stopped.\u00a0 The thought presence, again, Does Dragon move, prey?<\/em><\/p>\n Heart thumping.<\/p>\n No sensation of its beats, but heard, and loud, so loud the Dragon must surely hear.<\/p>\n Fearfully, lest Dragon hear her and attack, Selene whispered her thought, No\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n The foreign thought, I\u2026 am Dragon.\u00a0 You\u2026 are prey.<\/em><\/p>\n Selene\u2019s knees buckled beneath her.\u00a0 She sat with an audible thump.\u00a0 Although her teeth clicked aloud from the jarring impact she perceived no pain.\u00a0 Resigned to her fate, she looked directly at Dragon, It will kill me now.<\/em><\/p>\n The return thought came immediately, Kill you, why?<\/em><\/p>\n Selene\u2019s surprised thought answered, To eat me!<\/em><\/p>\n Dragon responded, Eat you?\u00a0 Why, when it grants no satisfaction?\u00a0 I cannot taste your flesh, catch scent of your blood, or feel the joyous crunch of your flimsy bones breaking between my jaws.<\/em><\/p>\n Selene relaxed, This is just a dream. \u00a0I\u2019m safe.<\/em><\/p>\n Dragon responded, You are wrong, yet you right.\u00a0 This is no dream, prey.\u00a0 You are already dead, as am I.\u00a0 This is the Hallway to Eternity.\u00a0 Yet you are indeed safe, for nothing can harm those who are already dead.<\/em><\/p>\n Again Selene asserted, This is a dream!<\/em><\/p>\n Thoughts whimsical, Dragon responded, Would that it was.\u00a0 This is the path between the instant that is life, and the Eternity that is Death.\u00a0 My mate and I spent our moment in life.\u00a0 Preceding me into death, he traversed these halls before me.\u00a0 I seek his scent, that I might share Eternity with my beloved.\u00a0 Yet, I smell nothing.<\/em><\/p>\n The Dragons forked tongue flicked out, tasted the air, and retracted.<\/p>\n Though wordless and without coherent thought forms, an intensely emotive emanation issued from the Dragon.\u00a0 It conveyed enormous sadness, along with deep distress.<\/p>\n Watching the Dragon\u2019s actions, while perceiving its pain, brought Selene to pity, Poor thing, to be trapped in this strange dream with me.<\/em><\/p>\n Surprise sufficient to displace the distress immediately registered in the foreign thought.<\/p>\n A heartbeat of stillness.<\/p>\n A moment later Dragon\u2019s thought came, Strange indeed\u2026 to be pitied by prey.\u00a0 Do not pity me, prey, for I\u2026 am Dragon.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Indignant anger flushed Selene\u2019s cheeks, I am Selene, not prey!\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Surprise increased in Dragon\u2019s thought, Prey\u2026 bear names?<\/em><\/p>\n Selene pointed to her mother\u2019s mark with one stiff, angry finger, Yes!\u00a0 We bear names!\u00a0 I bear the marks of my family, all named.<\/em><\/p>\n The Dragon took two quick strides toward Selene.\u00a0 Each pace would easily have covered five of Selene\u2019s.<\/p>\n Involuntarily, Selene scooted back on the ground, fear immediately replacing her anger.<\/p>\n Dragon halted its approach.<\/p>\n A soothing thought, Fear not\u2026\u00a0 Selene.\u00a0 I wish only to behold these\u2026 these much-loved marks.<\/em><\/p>\n Selene relaxed as best she could.<\/p>\n The Dragon approached, very close.\u00a0 Tilting its head to the right, the massive beast turned to looked down at Selene through its left eye.\u00a0 The vertical slit of its pupil contracted then widened slightly as the Dragon struggled to focus on Daniskira\u2019s mark.<\/p>\n For several heartbeats, nothing.<\/p>\n Finally, Dragon\u2019s thought came.<\/p>\n Thirihshhastra.<\/em><\/p>\n Confused, Selene formed the strange, sibilant word in her mind, Thirihshhastra?\u00a0 I don\u2019t know this word.\u00a0 Yet, it is pleasing, and soothing both.\u00a0 I would know what it means?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n An inexplicable thrill filled Selene.\u00a0 She repeated the name in her mind several times before speaking it slowly, and aloud, \u201cThirrr eeeh ssshhh huhzz trahh.\u201d\u00a0 The way it rolled off her tongue proved even more joyous than its echo within her thoughts.<\/p>\n Surprised, Thirihshhastra thought, A sound, reminiscent of my name.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Selene turned to look directly into the Dragon\u2019s eye and thought the name as she vocalized its sound again, \u201cThirihshhastra.\u201d<\/p>\n The expression within the enormous eye conveyed unmistakable amazement.<\/p>\n Thirihshhastra thought, Selene!\u00a0 You have the gift of speech?<\/em><\/p>\n Filled with a joy she could not comprehend, Selene grinned broadly and vocalized her thoughts into joyous words, \u201cOf course I can speak, Thirihshhastra!\u201d<\/p>\n Thirihshhastra took two quick paces backwards, shock and dismay evident in her responding thought, The prey curses my name!<\/em><\/p>\n In an instant Horror erased Selene\u2019s grin.<\/p>\n Selene snapped her mouth shut, and thought, No!\u00a0 No!\u00a0 I only spoke my thought aloud.\u00a0 Sorry, Thirihshhastra, I am sorry.<\/em><\/p>\n Conflicting emotions filled Thirihshhastra\u2019s emanation.\u00a0 Anger, fear, suspicion, and most dominant, confusion.<\/p>\n After a few loud, unfelt heartbeats, Thirihshhastra\u2019s thought came, While baring your teeth in attack, you made terrible sounds and uttered the likeness of my name.\u00a0 What could this be, but a curse?<\/em><\/p>\n Selene quickly covered her mouth with her hand to hide her relieved smile. \u00a0She suppressed her desire to speak the words and thought them instead, I smiled with wonderful joy, and said the words rather than thinking them.\u00a0 It was no curse, believe me.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Thirihshhastra\u2019s pensive thought, I am in your thoughts, Selene.\u00a0 Thoughts cannot lie.<\/em><\/p>\n After a few heartbeats of hesitation, Thirihshhastra\u2019s further thought came, After the joyous sound that was the semblance of my name\u2026 well, that such a horrific noise is your speech surprised me.\u00a0 Adding to my confusion was your, \u2018smile\u2019.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Puzzlement evident in Thirihshhastra\u2019s emanation, she contemplated the strangeness of the tiny being before her.\u00a0 After a few moments her further questioning thought came, Your kind bears its fangs in joy, not in readiness for attack?<\/em><\/p>\n Brow creasing in concern, Selene thought, I was happy so I smiled, nothing more.\u00a0 If you are prepared\u2026\u00a0 I shall do so now.<\/em><\/p>\n A hesitation.<\/p>\n After a few moments, Thirihshhastra\u2019s thought, I am prepared.<\/em><\/p>\n Selene uncovered her mouth, her smile erased by Thirihshhastra\u2019s distress.\u00a0 Gazing into the Dragon\u2019s eye, Selene once more spoke her name, gently, \u201cThirihshhastra.\u201d<\/p>\n The joy within the sound brought back Selene\u2019s smile.<\/p>\n Thirihshhastra\u2019s thoughts bore understanding, though she flinched at Selene\u2019s smile.<\/p>\n After a moment\u2019s hesitation Thirihshhastra again approached close to Selene, focused her eye on Daniskira\u2019s mark, and thought, Selene, you say the marks of your family are all named.\u00a0 What is the name of this mark?<\/em><\/p>\n Puzzled, Selene responded, All in my family are named and I wear their marks, with honor.\u00a0 The mark you look upon is the symbol of my mother, Daniskira.<\/em><\/p>\n Comprehension filled Thirihshhastra\u2019s thought, along with surprised pleasure, Daniskira?\u00a0<\/em> A beautiful name, worthy of Dragon.\u00a0 It rolls\u2026 like thunder in a distant storm.<\/em><\/p>\n After gazing at Daniskira\u2019s mark for several heartbeats, Thirihshhastra lowered her eye, And what of this mark?<\/em><\/p>\n Selene checked where Thirihshhastra gazed before thinking, That is the symbol of my grandmother, my mother\u2019s mother.\u00a0 Her name is Zunesan.<\/em><\/p>\n Thirihshhastra backed up slightly.\u00a0 Head still cocked to one side, she looked one-eyed at Selene, And where is your symbol, Selene?<\/em><\/p>\n Selene smiled at Thirihshhastra, who barely flinched this time.<\/p>\n After a brief pause Selene realized the Dragon was not joking.\u00a0 She shook her head, I only get my mark when I am twelve cycles old, silly.<\/em><\/p>\n Thirihshhastra thought, When you are twelve cycles of cold?\u00a0 How many cycles of cold are you now, Selene?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Puzzled, Selene thought, Cycles old, cycles of cold?\u00a0 Yes, from winter to winter is one cycle.\u00a0 I gain my sixth marks on the morrow.\u00a0 I will be six cycles of cold very soon, Thirihshhastra.<\/em><\/p>\n A veil fell over Thirihshhastra\u2019s mind.\u00a0 Though Selene perceived no discernible thoughts, tangible sadness emanated from the Dragon.<\/p>\n In order to distract herself from the Dragon\u2019s distress Selene thought of Eden and their mischievous play together, Our grand adventure with the Segattoo blossoms.\u00a0 How did that end?<\/em><\/p>\n Thirihshhastra interrupted Selene\u2019s thoughts with her own, guarded and framed in careful forms so strongly reminiscent of decorum that Selene forgot about Eden as she concentrated on the Dragon\u2019s thoughts.<\/p>\n The name of my mate is Hithrathra.\u00a0 We have borne three progeny, Selene.\u00a0 I will not name them, for they are still trapped in time\u2019s flow and alive.<\/em><\/p>\n Knowing Thirihshhastra shared something important, but confused as to what it might be, Selene instead framed a polite thought in as decorous a fashion as she could.\u00a0 Hithrathra, a beautiful name, and fitting for one so mighty as a Dragon.<\/em><\/p>\n The emanation of sadness from Thirihshhastra deepened, Hithrathra\u2026 would that I could taste his scent, one last time.\u00a0 But it is not to be. \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Sympathy filled Selene, The memory of Hithrathra brings you great sadness.\u00a0 That I provoke such thoughts fills me with regret.<\/em><\/p>\n Mind still cloaked with a guarding mist, Thirihshhastra looked into Selene\u2019s eye, Though young, you are a powerful being, Selene.\u00a0 Your every thought inspires.\u00a0 It is not my thoughts of Hithrathra which sadden me, Selene\u2026 it is my thoughts of you.<\/em><\/p>\n Emotionally, physically, and spiritually, Selene slumped at this.<\/p>\n Thirihshhastra responded immediately, her wordless emanation gentle and filled with reassurance.<\/p>\n Still puzzled, but with her heart lightening at the Dragon\u2019s emotional support, Selene thought, But I don\u2019t want to make you sad, Thirihshhastra.<\/em><\/p>\n For a long while, the Dragon looked at the tiny, yet magnificent being before her.\u00a0 Her thoughts remained guarded, and inaccessible.<\/p>\n When Thirihshhastra\u2019s thoughts became perceptible once more, they were carefully composed and again filled with decorum, Selene, I would that you remember well what I shall impart.<\/em><\/p>\n Selene immediately straightened from her slumped position, indignant the Dragon thought it necessary to instruct her to pay close heed, I am listening!\u00a0 Do you think that I might forget?<\/em><\/p>\n Thirihshhastra\u2019s emanation contained humor, Very well.\u00a0 You bring me great joy, Selene.\u00a0 Strange\u2026 for until our meeting your kind was less than nothing to me.\u00a0 It is not you, but my thoughts of you that so sorely trouble me.\u00a0 I disclosed my name, secure in the knowledge you had departed time\u2019s ever-flowing river and now sit on Eternity\u2019s still bank, beyond life.\u00a0 My mate\u2019s name I imparted, perhaps foolishly, yet in hope that should you meet him herein you might remember me to him.\u00a0 Hithrathra is slain, thus he is beyond mortal harm, and forever safe.\u00a0 Careless as my disclosure may have been, it can bring him no ill.\u00a0 However, you Selene\u2026 you walk these halls long before your rightful time ceases.\u00a0 You should not be here, you are\u2026 you are but a pup.<\/em><\/p>\n Selene could not help but puff her chest out and sit up straighter, making herself larger than she was as she framed an indignant thought, I am no pup!\u00a0 I am nearly sixth-marked!<\/em><\/p>\n Thirihshhastra\u2019s thought came, filled with joyous mirth, And you deserve your sixth marks, Youngling.\u00a0 And your own symbol, when that time comes.\u00a0 Me?\u00a0 Well I lost interest in counting my age when I matched Hithrathra, many long cycles past.<\/em><\/p>\n Selene instinctively attempted to console the Dragon by framing a reassuring thought, You are not old, Thirihshhastra.\u00a0 My grandfather?\u00a0 Now he is old!\u00a0 His name is Jalgar.\u00a0 <\/em>She thrust her right shoulder forward and pointed to its second symbol, Were Jalgar my father\u2019s father I would wear his mark here.\u00a0 But Toppie is my mother\u2019s father so I don\u2019t wear his symbol, save within the confines of my heart.\u00a0 Toppie becomes an Elder this Convocation…\u00a0 Why, he will be thirty-six cycles old!\u00a0 Oh\u2026 Zunesan will be as well, though she seems young compared to Toppie.<\/em><\/p>\n Thirihshhastra\u2019s humorous pleasure was evident in her eye and in her thought, How strange, that your kind can bear two names.\u00a0 Is one name not sufficient?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Selene frowned, Toppie bears but one name, and that is Jalgar.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n Thirihshhastra\u2019s massive eye twinkled, Yet you named him twice.<\/em><\/p>\n Selene\u2019s frown deepened as she tried to understand the humor filling the Dragon\u2019s emanation.<\/p>\n Thirihshhastra\u2019s eye became serious as she considered what Selene\u2019s puzzled aura imparted.\u00a0 After a long pause for reflection she framed a question, Is one his true name?<\/em><\/p>\n Selene\u2019s face reflected her confusion, His true name is Jalgar, but I cannot address him thus, least not till my twelfth marking.<\/em><\/p>\n Puzzlement formed within Thirihshhastra eye.\u00a0 After a moment she pressed the matter, You wear his mark in your heart, though not in your flesh.\u00a0 You named two names.\u00a0 Though your mind shows the truth of your thoughts, which proclaim he is Jalgar, within your heart\u2019s bounds, his true name is Toppie.\u00a0 Is this boon in return for me naming my mate?<\/em><\/p>\n Utter confusion reigned in Selene\u2019s mind as she struggled to wrap her mind about the thoughts just presented.\u00a0 After a few heartbeats, she smiled in comprehension.\u00a0 Taking care to cover her face with her hand, lest her broad grin distress the Dragon, she thought Perhaps, in some way.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Toppie is our secret name for him, Eden\u2019s and mine.\u00a0 It is used and known only within our family.<\/em><\/p>\n Thirihshhastra leaned forward and gently rubbed Selene\u2019s shoulder with her massive jaw.\u00a0 Gratitude accompanied that tender touch, along with the thought, Your Toppie is but a pup to me as well, Selene.<\/em><\/p>\n After a few heartbeats of contemplation Thirihshhastra framed another thought, its tone once more replete with decorum, I ceased tallying my age with my first progeny, granted me in the cycle of my match to Hithrathra, at three hundred.\u00a0 My youngest is over that age, long since.<\/em><\/p>\n Selene\u2019s eyes grew wide.\u00a0 For a moment she thought the Dragon jested with her, yet Thirihshhastra\u2019s thoughts held only truth.<\/p>\n Thirihshhastra slowly backed away.\u00a0 As she did she unveiled her thoughts completely, Selene, I would linger with you here.\u00a0 We could watch the river\u2019s flow and perceive the changes in its depth, together.\u00a0 We might walk Eternity\u2019s banks, traversing the future and all that is yet to come, for only time before we escaped its flow is denied us.\u00a0 This would be an Eternity of joy fulfilled, for your every thought brings me delight.\u00a0 Sadly, I fear another moment here is too long for you.\u00a0 I grant you my memories.\u00a0 From my birth to my demise.\u00a0 When you are ready\u2026 seek them as though they are your own.<\/em><\/p>\n Selene felt nothing yet perceived a flow within her mind as her memories seemed to shuffle.\u00a0 The puzzling contradiction of feeling an actual sensation within her mind thoroughly distracted her.<\/p>\n Thirihshhastra noted Selene\u2019s distraction, Now\u2026\u00a0 I do what must be done, to undo what should not be.\u00a0 I regret we part thus, Beloved, yet I can conceive no other way to turn you back from these halls.\u00a0 Selene, hold my memories and our names unto you alone!\u00a0 Farewell, Friend.<\/em><\/p>\n With the last word, Thirihshhastra\u2019s demeanor changed in an instant to baleful rage.\u00a0 Jaws wide, monstrous fangs exposed, the Dragon charged Selene with a primal, deafening, and terrifying roar issuing from her gaping maw.<\/p>\n Selene saw Thirihshhastra\u2019s charge and knew it heralded death within the Dragon\u2019s fearsome jaws.\u00a0 Horrific comprehension filled her.\u00a0 Terror overcame her.\u00a0 Sudden warmth flooded her thighs.<\/p>\n The frightening image of Thirihshhastra enraged clouded within Selene\u2019s mind as she fainted from fright.<\/p>\n \u06f7\u06f8\u06f7\u06f8\u06de\u06f7\u06f8\u06f7\u06f8<\/p>\n Here is a link to the free sample of Malmaxa I – Beltamar’s War.<\/a><\/p>\n Below are the links to Malmaxa II – The Pilgrimage<\/a>.<\/p>\nOf Dragons, and Eternity<\/h1>\n
TimeLine: Night, Freyjasday, 2nd<\/sup> sixday, 9th<\/sup> Luna, 3600.<\/h6>\n
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