{"id":3157,"date":"2013-09-17T11:48:14","date_gmt":"2013-09-17T16:48:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/?p=3157"},"modified":"2013-09-17T11:48:14","modified_gmt":"2013-09-17T16:48:14","slug":"that-which-one-loses-the-other-does-not-gain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/general\/that-which-one-loses-the-other-does-not-gain\/","title":{"rendered":"That which one loses, the other does not gain."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>At about the age of six I attended a wedding. Everything went fine until the minister introduced the newlyweds as Mr. and Mrs. Johnson \u2013 shocked, I realized this lovely woman had relinquished her name and assumed that of her husband. \u00a0The disquiet that realization brought is literally the only thing I recall about that incident, I don\u2019t even remember the couple\u2019s last name.<\/p>\n<p>Fast forward around half a century to a few days ago when my youngest daughter proudly informed me, \u201c<em>Dad, when I get married my husband will take my last name or it&#8217;s a deal breaker<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 Both her older sisters had already informed me of similar sentiments.\u00a0 The oldest is married and did indeed retain her maiden name.<\/p>\n<p>Be that as it may, the final goad to me writing this post came at 3am this morning when I read the tweet below:-<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"500\" data-dnt=\"true\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\"><a href=\"https:\/\/x.com\/CGAyling?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">@CGAyling<\/a> C.G., just bought your first book on Kindle twice. I was signed in to amazon as my hubby. Different last names and accounts. HA<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Deborah A. Bowman (@Bowmanauthor) <a href=\"https:\/\/x.com\/Bowmanauthor\/status\/379784564106731520?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">September 17, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.x.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p>It reads, \u201c<em>C.G., just bought your first book on Kindle twice. I was signed in to amazon as my hubby. Different last names and accounts. HA<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I replied to her tweet, and after resolving the crisis for which my slumber had been disturbed went back to bed brooding on the matter.\u00a0 Anyway, the questions I framed so long ago still trouble me today. I share them below.<\/p>\n<p>Why must the woman give up her name, as opposed to the man giving up his?<\/p>\n<p>I understand the desire to merge, but if that merger\u2019s cost is that one relinquishes their identity then surely the other should also relinquish theirs?<\/p>\n<p>As far as the logic, \u201cIt has always been this way.\u201d\u00a0 Well, all that proves is that always is often wrong.<\/p>\n<p>Am I proposing change?\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Each of us is an individual.\u00a0 By the time we are old enough to marry we have spent substantial effort becoming who we are.\u00a0 Our name is an element of our personality.\u00a0 Are you keen to give yours away, or to force your partner to give up theirs?<\/p>\n<p>I know I\u2019m not, and that I never have been.\u00a0 I can\u2019t recall for certain, but I\u2019m pretty sure that I asked my wife if she wanted to change her last name to match mine.\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember her answer, but she now has my last name.\u00a0 Did I steal something priceless from her? Did I take an essential element of her, and unwittingly discard it?<\/p>\n<p>I think that I did\u2026\u00a0 But I don\u2019t know if I can ever give it back.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>At about the age of six I attended a wedding. Everything went fine until the minister introduced the newlyweds as Mr. and Mrs. Johnson \u2013 shocked, I realized this lovely woman had relinquished her name and assumed that of her husband. \u00a0The disquiet that realization brought is literally the only thing I recall about that [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3157","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3157","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3157"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3157\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3157"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3157"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cgayling.com\/malmaxa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3157"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}