C.G.Ayling

Tag: bullying

  • On Cyber-Bullying

    During a conversation with Camille Sanzone on the nature of absolutes and truth, which I believe seldom walk hand-in-hand, Camille raised the issue of Cyber-Bullying. That conversation inspired this post, you can listen to it at this link into iHeart Radio’s archives if you’d like a little background.

    What is Cyber-Bullying? To me it is just another example of grossly bad and inappropriate behavior. Like “real” bullying, cyber bullies target someone and then relentlessly begin to attack them. Like “real” bullies, cyber bullies don’t back off until they are forced to. To me there is no difference between real bullies and cyber bullies. They both exhibit repulsive character traits, foremost of which is a completely unjustified and misguided feeling of superiority.

    Nobody is superior to anybody else. Period.

    Everyone gets only one life. That is a simple, irrefutable fact. Every life is as vital, unique, and as precious as every other. I believe that is another irrefutable and ultimately inescapable fact.

    Tolerance is a variable, sometimes we should have a lot, and sometimes we should not.

    Bullying, regardless of whether it occurs in virtual cyber-space or in our real life, is an example of something for which we should have no tolerance. None at all.

    So what can we do about Cyber-Bullying?

    A number of things, most of which involve modifying our own behaviors. Let us face it, change always begins within.

    The internet is forever. What do I mean by that? I mean that regardless how transient you think something in virtual space is, it has been recorded somewhere. Quite possibly by the NSA. Don’t think the NSA are interested in literally everything you say, regardless of where you say it? Okay, then here is a picture-perfect {it literally has pictures} example of something bullies post and then delete in the misguided belief their abhorrent behavior will go unnoticed, and therefore unchecked.

    Once we accept the internet never forgets, addressing cyber bullying becomes much easier. Why? Because we all want to do the right thing, and if our stand for justice and right is recorded forever… Well that is a powerful incentive to do right, isn’t it? Hopefully it is equally powerful in stopping cyber bullies from doing wrong. Unfortunately I don’t think so, as cyber bullies don’t think they are doing wrong, at least until someone shows them.

    So show them!

    Speak out against Cyber-Bullying. When you witness bullying don’t take the moral coward’s way out and ignore it. Speak out. Call the Bully out for being a bully. Stand up for the victim by putting the bully down.

    In the past the expression “to put down” referred to what you’d have done to an animal. You’d take them to the Veterinarian, who would inject them with a powerful sedative that put them to sleep and then stopped their heart. Am I suggesting you kill cyber bullies? In virtual a way, I am. Once you have addressed their behavior, put an end to it by blocking them from ever interacting with you again.  In most social media networks with the click of a button they are dead to you, use that button and effectively kill all further interaction with them.

    But what if you are the victim of a cyber-bully? That requires an altogether different tactic. Do not respond. Every time you respond to someone who attacks you online, you are advertising for them. Do you want their name to appear in brilliant overhead lights? No, you don’t. You might think you do, but in reality you want their behavior to stop, and shouting their name to the world encourages them to keep on behaving badly. So don’t reward them by responding. Don’t try and explain yourself, they don’t care. Don’t try and rally support to your defense, though it seldom works it does advertise their name.

    Remember the adage “Even bad advertising is good advertising.”  Don’t advertise for bullies by interacting with them.

    But I have to do something! Yes, you do, and yes, you can. You put them down. You report them to the social media network their behavior occurred on, and then you block them. Forever. And once that is done, you ignore them. Forever.

    Don’t waste your time by spending it on your enemies, waste your time by spending it with your friends.

    But what about forgiveness? Do you truly think they’ll change? Do you truly think they’ll care? Sadly, I don’t.

  • Bullying

    A snippet of conversation started on Jacky Gray’s blog prompted me to post this.  Perhaps as a soul-cleansing…

    Though I was never bullied, as a youth I saw it going on all around me, and – I am now ashamed to say – I simply turned a blind eye to it.  I have long since changed and have spent a lot of effort with all of my kids, ensuring that they will never stand quietly by while others are mistreated.  I’m proud to say they have come to me on many occasions, informing about this kind of behavior (though when my youngest was the victim of bullying she never told us – strange how that works).  In my turn I’ve ensured that the school boards get to learn about it.  Sadly, that seems to be the only way to stop bullying dead in its tracks – too many teachers do nothing about it.

    That bullying can be so pervasive in our supposedly enlightened society is frightening.

    The worst thing about bullying is that kids are still taught the same old garbage they were when I went to school forty years ago – “bullies are cowards who feel bad about themselves, and take out their inadequacy on others.”  Pardon my French, but that is a load of absolute codswallop – bullies are arrogant turds who firmly believe they are better than their victims.  They feel no remorse for their actions and when their victims break down and call for help these bullies attempt to rally support for their abhorrent behavior by calling their victims “snitches” or similar.

    Bullies do not deserve the pity of their peers. Which is precisely what statements like “bullies feel bad about themselves” encourages.

    What bullies deserve is to be called to the front of the class where they should be compelled to explain precisely why they think their behavior is acceptable.  Unfortunately that is not going to happen, probably because the bullies parents won’t allow it.  This makes one wonder exactly where the arrogant belief that they are better than their victims originates, doesn’t it?

    Why do schools bother having policies about bullying, when teachers and people in positions of influence do nothing to enforce it?  It is very easy to pay lip-service with a written policy.  It is altogether much harder to change a culture that ignores injustice.