C.G.Ayling

Blog

  • On Twitter

    When I logged in to Twitter today, I noticed a request to fill out a survey on what I think of their service.

    I also took the time to write them what I thought. My comments appear below. Why am I blogging this? Well, Twitter has the potential to be a pretty wonderful place. It is rapidly losing that potential. Very rapidly. Maybe if enough people take the time to tell Twitter what they really think we can save the sinking ship Twitter is becoming. Maybe…

    My survey comments appear below. Precisely as I submitted them.

    Twitter has the potential to be a wonderful place for people to share the most essential thoughts and feelings they have. Unfortunately Twitter is not taking it responsibilities seriously. What are Twitter’s responsibilities? To protect its users from spam. Spam from those with nothing to say, but something to sell. Spam from those who continually say nothing to as many names as they can fit into a single tweet, in hope their “handle” is seen. Spam from accounts who say nothing at all, except in their biography which has links to sites that “sell” followers and questionable services. Spam from those who repeatedly say the exact same sales pitch to every “Handle” they see. Twitter’s responsibility is to realize its real users are real people, not “handles”. Unfortunately Twitter’s stream is becoming so polluted I am rapidly losing any desire to swim in it.

  • On Alcohol

    Dizzy, is what a single drink does to me.

    I have no tolerance for alcohol, and I am perfectly fine with that. Indeed I find it rather amusing how so many people are so proud of their ability to hold their liquor. I don’t know what I can equate that to, except perhaps pride in their own stupidity. But then one of the many things alcohol does is damage virtually every organ in the body, including the brain, so I guess it makes some kind of sense.

    I wonder why people find it difficult to understand me when I say “I don’t drink.” I’m not being coy, and I’m definitely not trying to use reverse psychology on them in the hope they will press alcohol on me. Which is how they seem to take that statement.  And no, I won’t make an exception to my principles in order to fit into some social circle.

    To me, “I don’t drink”, seems like such a simple, unambiguous statement. But of course it isn’t.  Of course I drink! In fact I drink copious amounts.  Of coffee and tea mostly.  But Alcohol? No. Occasionally at Christmas I’ll have a very small glass of some liqueur, when my immediate family gather. Always on a full stomach, but even that doesn’t fully mitigate its effects, which I dislike.  I don’t like being dizzy, and I don’t like the blurring of my senses that inevitably accompanies the consumption of even a minute amount of alcohol.

    Since I value tolerance, let me clarify what I mean by “no tolerance.”  I don’t mean no tolerance as in I think alcohol should be abolished.  I mean no tolerance as in it has an immediate effect on me.

    Perhaps the bottom line in this is that I know my limit, and my limit is none.  Do you know yours?

  • On Fate

    A couple of days ago the question of fate came up, several times, from several different people.  Perhaps those interactions fated the writing of this post. Perhaps they did not.

    What is Fate?  That question is not one that any thinking person should dismiss without due consideration. Why not?  Because Fate is far far more complex than just something we either think exists, or we simply dismiss.

    If you don’t believe in fate, then you should.

    If you do believe in Fate, then you shouldn’t.

    Contrary statements?  Only when considered superficially. You see Fate truly is something so compelling it warrants our careful consideration. So, in hope of starting you along a path less tread, I have modified part of one conversation that occurred on twitter. The conversation began with a poem of a fateful nature by Nandita Das. My original Tweet, in reply to Nandita’s poem, appears below.

    Fate… what is fate, if we have free will? what is free will, if our destiny is fated? Yet fate, just feels right.

    Twitter forces the compaction of thoughts. Sometimes this compaction is good, in how it focuses the essence of a thought, but others it isn’t as it removes essential elements. My full thought appears below.

    ~ Fate… ~
    What is fate, if we have free will?
    What is free will, if our destiny is fated?
    While Fate seems that it must be
    Wrong,
    Fate, once experienced,
    just feels
    Right.
    ~

    And below is another poem on Fate, composed in another completely separate conversation that occurred about the same time.

    ~ Fate ~
    Let us not tempt the Fates
    by presuming to understand them.
    If the fates have desires,
    then to them we will succumb.
    If the fates have goals,
    then we are but their ball.
    If the fates have wings,
    then perhaps they’ll let us fly.
    Yet if there is a question that
    to the Fates we may not cry,
    it is a single word,
    one word
    from which they’re warded.
    It is the question,
    Why?
    ~

    Perhaps the root thing about the fate, or its lack, is this…

    Even if the Fates are not, then what will happen, still will.

    Something I find particularly fascinating about the Fates, is that even the Gods cannot escape their dictates, and if the Gods can’t then what hope have we?  We like to think we’re masters of our own destiny, so much so that we’re unwilling to think about the possibility we are not. That is why, especially if we don’t believe in fate, we should still consider it.  It is also the reason, if we do believe in Fate, that we should rethink it, even if only in hope of finding a path ahead we have not yet seen.

    What do I believe about the Fates?  Well, there are a few clues within this post, and many more sprinkled throughout this blog. One of these clues is that within the question opening this paragraph I capitalized the word.  Could that be an example of Decorum, a concept used throughout Malmaxa?

  • Words, Sweeter than Wine.

    Words matter, they really do.

    ~ Words, Sweeter than wine ~
    ~
    Little pecks upon the cheek.
    Gentle lips that lead,
    two loving mouths,
    to meet.
    Two tongues that twine,
    and sometimes,
    little sips of wine.
    Tender kisses,
    here and there,
    tender kisses on their neck,
    and hair.
    Think of the many many things,
    two loving mouths may share.
    And, of course,
    the most precious things
    of all…
    the little words,
    that show we
    care.
    ~

  • On Things

    The things that matter are the things that care.

    And the only things that care, are things that are alive.

    Does your car care if you crash it, or if you don’t wash it?

    Does your bed cry if you sleep somewhere else?

    Do your jeans beam with pride because you wear them so well?

    Does gourmet food stay fresh and hopeful until someone with a taste for the finer things in life is ready to consume it?

    Yes, things can make our bodies more comfortable, but they cannot make our lives better. Better things do not make better people.  Indeed “better” things too often make people worse, while misleading them into believing they are better.  We are not the sum of the things we possess, we are the sum of the lives we have touched.

    Life is made better by lives we interact with. While those lives need not be human, they must at very least have lived.

    Let me finish this blog post by asking you a question… If it cannot love you back, then why do you love it?

  • On Misleading Questions

    I have often said the only stupid questions are the questions we don’t ask. Does that mean all questions are worthy of answers? Our natural instinct is to assert, “Yes!”

    However that isn’t true, is it?

    There are definitely questions not worthy of answers.  Rhetorical questions not only do not require answers, but providing an answer often lessens the power of the question. Rhetorical questions are intended to invoke thought, not speech.

    But this post isn’t about rhetorical questions, it is about actual questions that are not worthy of answers.  Specifically, it is about questions that mislead.

    What is a misleading question?  A misleading question is deliberately framed in order to ensure the only valid answer is the one desired. A misleading question is one framed to compel an incomplete answer that points toward the goal of the person doing the asking.

    We are asked misleading questions all the time, and we are trained to respond.  Indeed when we don’t respond in the way these irrelevant, and ultimately pointless, questions demand we often throw the conversation into complete disarray.  Personally, I dislike misleading questions almost as much as I abhor the statement of opinion as though it is fact.  This dislike ensures I go out of my way to cause disarray.

    “How are you?” When asked in our day-to-day work life, this is a misleading question.  The person asking is not interested in our well-being, they don’t want to know, yet they expect us to obey social conventions by answering with some banality like, “I’m fine thanks, and you?”  The only “polite” way to answer this question is by asserting we are well.  If there is only one acceptable answer to the question, then the question is pointless and more than that, it is misleading.

    Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?  Perhaps, however I’m growing tired of living in a world full of people who don’t care.  So I rebel.  When people ask me banal questions in which they very obviously have absolutely no interest in my answer, I assume they are sincere and that they actually care. I answer their question honestly, but in a fashion that requires them to stop and think about my answer.  I have a variety of responses to the “How are you” question, but I have two favorites.

    If I am pleased to see the person, I answer “All the better for seeing you, and how are you?”  There is no mistruth in that answer. I am not burdening them with how I actually feel, I’m not embarking on an extended diatribe on how poorly I slept, or how appalling I find the state of our world. I’m indicating my pleasure at seeing them, while giving them a chance to tell me how they really feel.  It is surprising how often they respond by actually telling me.  It is also surprising how much they seem to enjoy having an opportunity to tell the truth.  A single good minute can indeed make for a better day.

    And then there are the people I am not pleased to see.  It would be impolite to answer truthfully, indeed doing so might well be considered an unnecessary truth. Unfortunately, since it is considered rude to ignore the question I answer, truthfully, “I am alive, which as far as I know is better than being dead, but only time will tell.”  Most often they simply nod as though they actually heard my answer, then sashay into whatever it is they really want to talk about.  However, to those paying attention my answer shocks them out of their comfort zone and forces them to think of some appropriate way to respond.  This usually entails them frowning as they try and figure out if I have just insulted them, which I haven’t. Their frown is either followed by a quick shake of the head as they discard their suspicion, or a pursing of their lips as they consider whether being dead might actually be better than being in their company. They seldom tell me what they really think, but they don’t need to as I’ve already seen it all in their facial responses.  Finally, they start talking about what they really want to talk about.

    What is the point of all this?  There is more than one point.  If you have no interest in how someone feels, then don’t ask them. If you don’t care, then don’t pretend you do.  When you ask banal questions, you’ll sometimes get honest answers.  Don’t pretend to be interested if you aren’t. In other words, if all you want to do is get down to business, then open the conversation with, “Let’s get down to business.”

    And now, to the heart of misleading questions. The question of love.

    Perhaps we should never ask the question, “Do you love me?”, for if there is ever a misleading question intended to extract the answer we desire, “Do you love me?” is that question. Even within an unsolicited proclamation of love lies an implicit plea for a response in kind.

    So how do we show someone we love them, without framing our love in words that demand the response we desire?

    The answer to the riddle dwells within the question. We show them our love and allow them the freedom to either see our demonstration of love, or to not notice it.

    Yes, it is said that love is blind, but if the one we love is blind then will they ever see?

  • On Cyber-Bullying

    During a conversation with Camille Sanzone on the nature of absolutes and truth, which I believe seldom walk hand-in-hand, Camille raised the issue of Cyber-Bullying. That conversation inspired this post, you can listen to it at this link into iHeart Radio’s archives if you’d like a little background.

    What is Cyber-Bullying? To me it is just another example of grossly bad and inappropriate behavior. Like “real” bullying, cyber bullies target someone and then relentlessly begin to attack them. Like “real” bullies, cyber bullies don’t back off until they are forced to. To me there is no difference between real bullies and cyber bullies. They both exhibit repulsive character traits, foremost of which is a completely unjustified and misguided feeling of superiority.

    Nobody is superior to anybody else. Period.

    Everyone gets only one life. That is a simple, irrefutable fact. Every life is as vital, unique, and as precious as every other. I believe that is another irrefutable and ultimately inescapable fact.

    Tolerance is a variable, sometimes we should have a lot, and sometimes we should not.

    Bullying, regardless of whether it occurs in virtual cyber-space or in our real life, is an example of something for which we should have no tolerance. None at all.

    So what can we do about Cyber-Bullying?

    A number of things, most of which involve modifying our own behaviors. Let us face it, change always begins within.

    The internet is forever. What do I mean by that? I mean that regardless how transient you think something in virtual space is, it has been recorded somewhere. Quite possibly by the NSA. Don’t think the NSA are interested in literally everything you say, regardless of where you say it? Okay, then here is a picture-perfect {it literally has pictures} example of something bullies post and then delete in the misguided belief their abhorrent behavior will go unnoticed, and therefore unchecked.

    Once we accept the internet never forgets, addressing cyber bullying becomes much easier. Why? Because we all want to do the right thing, and if our stand for justice and right is recorded forever… Well that is a powerful incentive to do right, isn’t it? Hopefully it is equally powerful in stopping cyber bullies from doing wrong. Unfortunately I don’t think so, as cyber bullies don’t think they are doing wrong, at least until someone shows them.

    So show them!

    Speak out against Cyber-Bullying. When you witness bullying don’t take the moral coward’s way out and ignore it. Speak out. Call the Bully out for being a bully. Stand up for the victim by putting the bully down.

    In the past the expression “to put down” referred to what you’d have done to an animal. You’d take them to the Veterinarian, who would inject them with a powerful sedative that put them to sleep and then stopped their heart. Am I suggesting you kill cyber bullies? In virtual a way, I am. Once you have addressed their behavior, put an end to it by blocking them from ever interacting with you again.  In most social media networks with the click of a button they are dead to you, use that button and effectively kill all further interaction with them.

    But what if you are the victim of a cyber-bully? That requires an altogether different tactic. Do not respond. Every time you respond to someone who attacks you online, you are advertising for them. Do you want their name to appear in brilliant overhead lights? No, you don’t. You might think you do, but in reality you want their behavior to stop, and shouting their name to the world encourages them to keep on behaving badly. So don’t reward them by responding. Don’t try and explain yourself, they don’t care. Don’t try and rally support to your defense, though it seldom works it does advertise their name.

    Remember the adage “Even bad advertising is good advertising.”  Don’t advertise for bullies by interacting with them.

    But I have to do something! Yes, you do, and yes, you can. You put them down. You report them to the social media network their behavior occurred on, and then you block them. Forever. And once that is done, you ignore them. Forever.

    Don’t waste your time by spending it on your enemies, waste your time by spending it with your friends.

    But what about forgiveness? Do you truly think they’ll change? Do you truly think they’ll care? Sadly, I don’t.

  • On Stress

    We live in a artificial world of our own manufacture which is chronically unsuited to our genetically programmed prerogatives.

    In place of choices that give us an immediate return on our decisions, we are forced to make choices which only result in the promise of potential long term rewards.

    What do I mean?

    Natural: I am hungry, therefore I must find food or starve.
    Manufactured: Working now will give me a paycheck in a week, with which I will be able to buy food for the following week.

    This is extremely unnatural. Our nature demands we see an immediate reward for our efforts and when we cannot, we become stressed.

    Why do you think so-called smartphones are so chronically addictive?  I think it is because they are one of the few things that give us an immediate return on investment.  We touch the screen, and something happens. We text someone, and they text us right back.

    Smartphones give us instant feedback in a world we have rendered long-term.

    Perhaps I should start using mine?  No, I don’t think so.  Why not?  Because I realize my need for happiness is far deeper than a touch-screen will ever be.

     

  • What is a poem?

    Poems are more about sensation and emotion than they are about rhythm and rhyme.

    Poems says much more than the sum of their words.  They’re like a message in a bottle, thrown into a hostile sea, to be found and interpreted by someone whose attention we may only hold for the time taken to read our desperate plea. If we don’t grasp and hold their heart, how likely are they to set up a search and rescue operation on our behalf?

    Perhaps the essence of a poem might be that it is a plea for understanding?

    With that in mind, here are a couple of mine. Others are scattered throughout the blog, under the category, “Poetry“.

    ~ Carbon Copy ~
    ~
    Were I to dust you down with soot,
    then lay you on a sheet,
    that is a sheet I’d surely,
    forever,
    keep.
    ~

    ~ A plea ~
    ~
    With you,
    I’d like to walk barefoot in the sand,
    the only touch,
    our hands.
    I’d be tempted to run you into the sea,
    and there,
    upon one knee,
    an eternal pledge,
    I’d plea.
    We’d let the waves be our witness,
    the only tears shed,
    the rain,
    as a loving sky enfolds us,
    our souls unite
    to once more
    become
    one,
    again.
    ~

  • On Control

    My thanks to Debbie Englemann for inspiring this post, which is about the control we exert over our feelings.

    I agree with Debbie that we all need something of an emotional pressure release system, unfortunately I think the pendulum of directed public opinion has swung too far into the camp of “let it all out”.

    When we lived in Athens, our only neighbor, who lived directly across the road from us, did exactly that.  She claimed “venting” allowed her to release her pent-up frustrations and helped her feel rejuvenated.  How did she vent?  By making animalistic screams, many of which seemed to be directed straight toward our house.  Her behavior did not improve over the years, which makes me question whether venting helped her.  Indeed, I recently learnt the people who purchased our house have taken out a restraining order against her, so her behavior may well have deteriorated.

    This neighbor once informed me our house had “broken the spirit of the land” when it was built.  While you may think saying something like that seems borderline crazy and goes far toward explaining her aberrant behavior, you should also know I believe certain places have powerful auras. {Of course my last statement may well have set the last nail in the coffin of crazy, I am okay with that. :)}

    Can you imagine the cacophony if everyone screamed whenever they felt frustrated?  Society does not tolerate that type of behavior for very good reasons, one of which is that when someone screams at you, you have a powerful urge to scream right back at them. Does the vented expression of negative emotion actually help us shed those emotions, or does it exacerbate them?  I think the latter is more true.

    To me, control seems better than chaos.  Yes, we need some way to release our frustrations, but that “some way” should not be by dumping them on the people we love the most.  I am as guilty of that behavior as any, and for that I apologize.

    I don’t agree with Debbie that our innermost thoughts are electrical discharges. Not even for an instant. In fact I believe humans are almost incapable of random thought. Everything we think is prompted by something we feel. Some of those feelings are physical, but at least as many are emotional. Surely if we examine our feelings we’ll gain a deeper understanding into what makes us tick, and why we behave the way we do?  Perhaps such understanding will allow us to better control ourselves?  While I adamantly resist others attempting to control me, I long for the day I can finally control myself.  I doubt that day will ever come.

    Before we think, we feel. We think thought separate from feeling, yet we can feel without thinking, but we can’t think without feeling.