Author: CGAyling

  • Time

    A friend recently asked me, indirectly, how I like to spend my time.  The actual question framed was this, “I must ask though, why don’t you enjoy being outdoors as much as you used to?”

    Why don’t I enjoy being outdoors as much as I used to?

    I love looking at beautiful things, provided I am in the company of people I like. There is something about beauty that demands it be shared.  Time fleets away, when we’re young we mistakenly think we have an unlimited supply of that most precious thing. With each passing year we realize more that our time is finite, and we refine how we are willing to use it. Work begins to take far more than a just share, exhaustion another, duty another, all these voracious consumers of time hungrily eat away at our days and nights. What is left over, is all we have left to spend. Since we have so little we must become discerning. My choice of purchase with my time, is for the personal. Feelings and words shared with those we care about are far more precious to me than the most beautiful sight in the world, perceived alone.

    In my life I have seen many beautiful things, I’ve been to many amazing places, and I’ve seen more of the seven wonders of the world than many have, or ever will. How do my memories of those places and sights play?  They are all filled with the memories of those with whom I shared the sights, and those with whom I shared the sights feature more prominently within the memories than the beauty of the places themselves.

    Yes, beauty does lie in the eye of the beholder, but beauty demands to be shared and if it cannot be, I think beauty is somewhat lessened.

    Is beauty perceived alone as beautiful as beauty perceived together?

  • Imaginary Friends

    A poem by my favorite youngest daughter, Julia.

    ~ imaginary friends ~
    ~
    It’s where the path ends,
    And the trees start to bend
    You will find me here
    with my imaginary friends.
    Deep in a wood.
    the trees start to talk,
    the flowers start to walk.
    Only here will you find
    behind the vines
    the friends I gladly call mine.
    ~
    I may be told to grow up.
    To forget this silliness.
    But,
    In my life I have never met a human
    as kind as a tree.
    One that smiles brighter than a fairy.
    Sings with more soul than a nymph.
    never have I met a better trickster than a satyr.
    ~
    If to grow up means to forget,
    To leave behind
    Then I will always have my
    imaginary friends.
    ~

    {I threatened to steal it and use it in my Fairy Tale, A Crystal Tear, should I ever finish it… I might still.}

  • Tripwire

    A poem by my niece, Bronwyn, who I am sorry to say I have never had the pleasure of meeting. Perhaps one day I will be so lucky.

    ~ Tripwire ~

    I grasp for memories as they fall before me,
    Like grains of sand too small to see.
    Little things now forgotten,
    Oh whatever could they be?

    Steam blocks your face,
    I cannot see
    Whether or not you look at me.
    I find it odd but say nothing more,
    ‘Cause you’re closed behind that door.

    The maze I’ve built around my mind,
    Guards me from clear thought.
    With layers wrapped in meaning,
    But too obscure to unbind.
    Where do I reside in my mind?

    Tears come too fast for my liking,
    But I shed them with a smile.
    They betray my weakness,
    But also my pride.
    Because I gave my tears a name.
    They are called “humanity”

    I’m not witty or clever,
    Nor light as a feather.
    I’m not gentle, nor meek,
    More like a freak.
    I view the world as a two-sided mirror
    Not blind to the pain and horror.

    I count my blessing
    And mock those who don’t.
    I accept those around me,
    Whatever floats their boat.
    I prefer the cold of reality
    to the solidarity of the mind.
    And whether friend or foe,
    I treat you in kind.

    Smiles that cut.
    Words that bruise.
    What has anyone got to lose?
    “An eye for an eye.”
    That’s what they say.
    Will it save anyone at the end of the day?
    Smashing glasses, breaking plates
    Heated words and twisted fates.
    Pains that run around in circles.
    Lies that cease to have an end.
    I can no longer see around that bend.

    ‘Tis no secret of mine, I swear,
    That I wander without a care
    Going left or going right
    I wander on my hands at night
    I close my eyes and see the world
    Dancing feet that never twirled
    Catching clouds inside my fist
    Such thoughts I cannot resist
    Bleached tears adorn my face
    I cheer for those that lose the race
    Crying second, laughing first
    Nothing seems to quench my thirst
    None too far do I see
    For all the others ahead of me.
    ~

    I hope you enjoy Bronwyn’s work as much as I do. While you’re here, look around, other poetic pieces are strewn among the chaff.

  • The Mistress of the Maze

    Ariadne, at the glorious age, of ten days…

    The Mistress of the Maze
    The Mistress of the Maze
  • Fears

    ~ Fears ~

    My greatest fear is injury,
    not an injury to me,
    but to others who I touch
    in deed, or word, it matters not
    nor whether the hurt is real,
    or simply the unheard song,
    of an unseen soul’s appeal,
    every injury, is real…
    even if it is only in a
    dream.

    The things that make me beam
    the little things, of which I dream
    the unseen sound of souls that sigh,
    the clear essence of two souls that cry
    tears that start their path as joy
    wend their way through guilt
    and by path’s end, are never shed.
    True love lives on, it is never
    dead.

    No worry that we can’t walk back,
    can’t turn about,
    can’t find that track,
    our footprints fade,
    they must,
    dark dreams crumble into dust,
    face our fears, face the front
    walk toward a future bright
    walk together, in each others
    light.

    Wonderful memories, illicit,
    delightful dreams, explicit,
    our memories may never fade
    though some cut deeper than any
    blade.

    The path we walk this way,
    would that holding hands we may,
    as friends fingertips do touch,
    jogging the others memory to breathe,
    that their hearts beneath such love
    don’t crush,
    where we are today…
    is a far better place, than
    yesterday.

    Rather than dwell in errors past,
    let us form a friendship,
    that will
    last.

    Eternity awaits, my dear,
    and yes, I will take you,
    there.
    ~

    I hope you enjoyed this poem. If you like lyrical literature, please try Beltamar’s War. I can promise you it is nothing like anything you’ve ever read, and I would really appreciate your support.

  • Beltamar’s War. Re-Release!

    If you’re book reviewer I’d like to hear from you. If you’re a book reviewer who enjoys complex, thought provoking works like The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R Tolkien, or The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan, I’d really love to hear from you!

    Yes, we’re all busy so how will you know if my work, Malmaxa, is for you? Easy, simply read the sample available right here, right in your web browser, right now.

    One of the nicest things about being an independent author is that we need never be content with our own words.
    -versus-
    One of the worst things about being an independent author is that it is very difficult to know when our own words no longer require refinement.

    I self-published the first novel in my series, Malmaxa, in June of 2012. Though I have been fortunate enough to garner good reviews, I’ve personally never been happy with it. It just wasn’t the best I felt it could be. So, with that in mind, I scraped together the money to have the work professionally edited. I engaged the fine folk at Warneke Reading for this task and have spent the last couple of months implementing their excellent suggestions. Ed and Natalie went far beyond what I felt was due. I say, without reservation, that the work they have done for me far exceeds the worth of the money I paid them.

    Naturally, during my implementation of their edits, I re-read Beltamar’s War. That was a mistake for two reasons.  One, I’m a man well past middle age, brought up to believe that men should not cry…  Two, I realized I am not happy with my own writing, and I doubt I ever will be. And thus the purpose of this post…

    Very soon I’ll be re-submitting the latest version of “Malmaxa I – Beltamar’s War” to Amazon. I’d love to build up a head of steam by getting the work into the hands of reviewers before I do so. Are you a reviewer interested in reading Malmaxa before it becomes available in its newest incarnation?  If so DM your email address, along with your preference of Kindle .MOBI or .PDF, to me on Twitter.  You can find me as @CGAyling, and yes, I do follow back. If you’re not on Twitter, you can contact me by replying to this post.

    But be warned, Malmaxa is not what it seems.

  • Birthday wishes, from an unknown soul.

    A poem written by an unknown soul, for our precious daughter Julia, who turns 15 today.

    ~ For Julia ~
    May Julia be happy and bright
    From this morning to this night
    Let her happiness last all year through
    With all the things in her heart
    That are meaningful and true

    What a joy and pleasure
    As there is nothing better
    Than your little girls love
    Which should always be treasured
    Now
    And forever

    Wishing your little girl the best day and a very Happy Birthday!

    +++

    ~ For Julia ~
    And a poem from a man she knows,
    her father, who loves her so.
    Every word of this is true,
    and so I cast them,
    from me, to you.
    ~
    Julia, who so seldom cries,
    thoughts within her heart, she hides.
    Shows the world her pretty, smiling face
    and to her family, has never brought disgrace.
    She can’t abide unnecessary silk, and lace,
    embraces Buddha in her dreams,
    and won’t fall for silly religious schemes.

  • Why do Independent Authors Need Honest Reviews?

    Genuine people who are willing to take their time to write honest reviews are all too hard to find. Reviewing is a thankless task. Yes, the reviewer might get a free book, but for the amount of time they spend that can’t be considered compensation.

    Sadly, honest reviewers seldom publish reviews on works they dislike. Why sadly? Because in the Amazon age we are inundated with 5 star reviews that almost invariably purport to love the works of whatever author they are supposedly reviewing. There should be balance in all things. To expect everyone to love your work is a pipe dream.  Yet this seems to be the case – especially in the so-called “reviews” posted about independent authors’ works.

    Independent authors need honest reviews more than they need fabulous, yet fake ones. If we are lucky enough to get any reviews at all, we really need them to be honest. Why? For a number of reasons:

    Because…

    • Honesty really is the best policy.
    • We learn more from adversity than from success.
    • We deserve a level playing field, and so do our readers.
    • If your readers actually like your writing, they’ll ignore bad reviews, or laugh at them, and who doesn’t need a good laugh?
    • People naturally root for the underdog, and bad reviews can make you the underdog.
    • Honest reviews help authors improve their skills.
    • They help readers find books they will probably enjoy, and save them from wasting their time on books they won’t.
    • Positive reviews point out our strengths, and encourage us to play toward them.
    • Negative reviews highlight our weaknesses, and show where we should strive for improvement.
    • If our writing is really as atrocious as genuine bad reviews indicate, then we probably shouldn’t be publishing. Either at all, or until we’ve substantially improved our writing.
    • Pats on the back don’t propel you forward, they hold you back. Especially when those pats are leading us to buy into the delusion we’re good at something when we really aren’t.
    • Potential readers often look at reviews before deciding whether to buy. If they read a glowing review, then buy the book only to discover it is a pile of garbage then every review they read later is tainted.

    So you see, there really is no such thing as an honest review that is bad. Honest reviews either promote our work, or they help us improve it.

    We independent authors already have a well-deserved reputation for producing writing that falls far short of anything published by a traditional publishing house. The more “great” reviews that promote sub-standard work, the worse this will be for all – writers and readers alike.

    I take my hat off to real reviewers everywhere.  I’ve written a couple of reviews myself, and I know just how difficult it is to capture the essence of a work without spoiling it for the readers. In case you’re interested to read a couple of those I’ve written, here are two: Godspeed, by February Grace.  The Sowing, by Amira Makansi.

    If you’d like to read reviews written about my work, well you might find the ones I particularly like here.

    But the real bottom line?

    Don’t waste your valuable time reading reviews at all.  Don’t let someone else tell you what you’ll like and what you won’t.  Instead of reading flagrantly positive reviews from questionable sources you should never trust, read the free sample every single reputable publishing system provides. Make up your own mind about the quality of the writing.  You’ll be giving the real underdogs, namely independent authors, a chance by doing so.  You’ll be glad you did when you uncover a gem in the midden {yes, you may have to wade through a lot of excrement, but that will make the gem that much more beautiful when you find it :)}.

    And now, let me put my words where my mouth is… a sample of my first book is available right here, right now, right in your browser, completely free, with no download necessary, and no troublesome returns either.

    By the way, if you’re a reviewer I’d love you to look at my work with as critical an eye as you wish.  I am nearing the end of implementing edits on Beltamar’s War right now and would love to send you a fresh off the editing block copy in the electronic medium of your choice, PDF or .MOBI {Indeed I’ve just taken hours of that editing time to post this.}  If I can tempt you to review me, please visit [Reviewers], where you’ll find information on how to contact me.

    Further thoughts on authors like Ben Coulter

    …and his ilk.  Those who compound the problem of blatantly biased reviews by going to extreme lengths in attempt to silence anyone who might give them a bad review, thus ensuring they never get bad reviews.  And when they do get bad reviews, they then go to extraordinary lengths to discredit such reviews.

    What sort of extremes? Well, read about Coulter’s behavior here.

  • Reviewers should be revered, not reviled.

    {edit 02/23/14} If you’re an author, you’ve had bad reviews or unfavorable press. It happens. What should never happen is you opening your mouth and ramming both your feet down your throat in an attempt to suppress those bad reviews. That is the essence of this post – how bullies behave, and how we should not. Sadly, it uses a real-life example to illustrate how smart people do not behave. Read it and learn. From the comments posted after the post I think you’ll see the perpetrator hasn’t learnt.{/edit}

    A couple of days ago I witnessed some truly appalling behavior by an author named Ben Coulter toward a reviewer. Indeed I found it so reprehensible I could not allow it to pass with only a couple of tweets.  I placed my own work on hold in order to post about it, and considering how little time I have to write, compiling this post has been a significant sacrifice for me. I hope it is time well spent and that other independent authors might learn something from it.

    Read on and make up your own mind. {When Ben Coulter’s nauseating behavior wearies you, as is surely will, you might be interested to read why we all need honest reviews.}

    The images of tweets that appear below give a chronological look at parts of the conversation. Yet, as with many things, the real truth is to be found between the lines. Or, in this case, between the tweets. My thoughts on the hidden truths appear between the screenshots. Now, get ready to find out just how unpleasant and malicious some people can be.

    The start of it all.
    The start of it all.

    Notice Jade does not mention the name of the offender. That is considerate of her and shows obvious class. I re-tweeted her post shortly after 9am Feb 13 then replied to it with the tweet below.

    My reply to @jade in the form of an observation about the sort of bully that makes such threats.
    My reply to Jade in the form of an observation about the sort of bully that makes such threats.

    I wonder if my words will prove prophetic… The entire day passes, until about ten hours later I when tweet again. Within 2 minutes BAM!

    Out of the blue...
    Out of the blue…

    The tweet above appears in my interactions. I don’t recognize the name, but I do recognize the avatar. This Ben Coulter doesn’t follow me, and I don’t follow him. I wonder how he managed to notice me being online? I also wonder how he thinks I could have read the review “in question” since there is no link to it within anything I’ve mentioned or seen till his tweet.  Jade’s only plea was for support against a bully who threatened her, I gave her that support.
    I offer Ben Coulter some impartial advise. Impartial because I don’t know him or Jade, but I do know wrong when I see it and Coulter’s threats toward Jade were and remain wrong.
    The exchange below occurs.

    I wonder if he is proud he managed to intimidate @jade into deleting her review.
    I wonder if he is proud he managed to intimidate @jade into deleting her review.

    Notice the time-stamp at the bottom of the image. Also notice the adjustment of the truth in what Coulter says his threat was. The devil is in the details, and I am detail oriented. I look back at the original tweet and sure enough, that isn’t precisely how he framed his threat toward Jade.
    I ignore Coulter for a couple of minutes while I catch up on what has been happening on my friends timelines.
    Bam! Another out of the blue tweet. But now he’s turned his attention, and his ire, to me and posts this in a thread all by itself.

    Now he's decided to attack me?
    Now he’s decided to attack me?

    After a minute or so contemplation whether I should feed the trolls I reply.

    BCoulter my 2nd replyHowever I notice my reply hasn’t taken the form of a reply. It turns out Coulter, like a complete coward, has already deleted his inflammatory comments toward me. Unfortunately for him I keep my interactions in a separate tab of my browser. To ensure it doesn’t seem like I’m the one originating the attack I capture images of all his tweets {thus the evidence within this thread} and post the image of his attack tweet, along with his further attack.

    now he wants me to leave him alone? Strange, since he started this.
    now he wants me to leave him alone? Strange, since he started this.

    Immediately after, and indeed during this exchange Coulter deleted all of his tweets. However, this is the internet, and the evidence is everywhere. I took the time to report his abusive behavior to Twitter, but since I don’t hold much hope of their doing anything I decided to post the sordid little story here.

    None of this should have happened.

    Coulter should never have threatened Jade. Period. He should have kept his foul mouth shut and never tweeted at me.  If he’d just remained silent my RT would have scrolled away to be forgotten, and he’d have remained anonymous.  If he’d responded to my impartial advice and apologized to Jade it is quite possible he might have turned a huge negative into a positive.  He made a series of very bad choices. Him, not me. And this is the payment the piper demands.

    I’m very sad to see Coulter’s nasty intimidation managed to drive Jade off Twitter, something which lent me further motivation for me to ensure the world can see this behavior for what it is.

    Jade, I hope you come back.  As I encouraged you in a DM, I also hope you publish your full review of his work on Amazon as well as on your blog. Don’t pull your punches.  He certainly doesn’t pull his.

    By the way, in a couple of days I’ll also be deleting my tweets that contain screen shots of this exchange.  Why?  Am I as cowardly as others who shall not remain nameless?  Possibly.  But my motivation is that the images which appear on my profile page are important to me and I don’t want trash taking space there.  After all, who likes to see a pristine beach littered with troll turd?  I know I don’t.

    {Addendum – Feb 16th, 2014.}

    Yesterday I posted this tweet

    Reviewers should be revered, not reviled. http://bit.ly/CGApRsR #review

    Note that it does not include Coulter’s twitter name. Several people re-tweeted it and a couple replied to the tweet.  None mentioned Ben Coulter’s twitter handle of @BCoulterAuthor. However, he proceeded to attack me, which I never saw since I have blocked him, and then to attack them. I only realized this when they began responding to his attacks and I noticed his twitter handle in their replies to him. I opened Coulter’s {IMHO he does not deserve to be addressed with any respect} timeline and watched in horror as he spent the next couple of hours tweeting some of the nastiest personal attacks I have been unfortunate enough to see on Twitter. Per his modus-operandi Coulter deletes as he goes, probably from fear he will be exposed as the nasty, small-minded, unpleasant, and cowardly troll he is. That doesn’t work. You see I use a web browser to access Twitter and I never refresh it, which means the trash stays there until I get sick of seeing it.

    The images below reveal a small part of how cowards can be big, bad, and pretend to be brave when they think no one is ever going to know.  The tweets below were some of the mildest Coulter posted. As those he attacked refused to back down he became more and more obscene, and frankly, more deranged.

    Additional abuse spewed in a public forum.
    Additional abuse spewed in a public forum by one Ben Coulter.
    spurious attacks on anyone who dares to question Ben Coulter
    spurious attacks on anyone who dares question Ben Coulter

    If you’d like to give Coulter the benefit of the doubt, and I encourage you to do so, here are the titles of the books Ben Coulter has published to date.
    Poisoned Saints
    Keep on Running
    When The Saint Comes Marching Home: 3 (Poisoned Saints)

    And if you’re in the mood for reading, here is a sample of my work. Please feel free to contrast and compare it to Coulter’s.

    {Addendum 2 – Let the lies begin (Feb 18th, 2014).}

    Not unexpectedly Coulter can’t let things simply fade away, unless he mistakes “fading away” for deleting his tweets, which he is prone to doing.  More interaction on my timeline today from one of the people he previously attacked made me open his timeline. {What can I say? Sometimes the urge to wallow of troll slime strikes the best of us.}  And what do I find?  Coulter’s usual Tweet and Delete behavior, along with an escalation into outright lies. Coulter begins slowly and escalates. As per previously, the devilish details are between the tweets.

    Ben Coulter starts with little lies.
    Ben Coulter starts with little lies.

    Why would I want to get attention from Coulter’s readers? I don’t write in the same genre as him, therefore his readers are very unlikely to have any interest in my work.  But, like all good lies, it almost sounds plausible.  Let’s move on.

    Ben Coulter moves from a subtle lie to a blatant one.
    Ben Coulter moves from a subtle lie to a blatant one.

    It didn’t take Coulter long to escalate from subtle mistruths to full-on frontal lies, 8 minutes by the time stamps. Coulter’s tweet is an outright lie. It is not open to miss-interpretation, it is a blatant lie. The only times I have ever addressed Coulter are shown as images in this blog post. To state that I, “the blogger and the reviewer woman had been attacking for a few days“, is an out and out lie.

    Unlike our cowardly troll from hell, I don’t Tweet attacks and frantically delete them minutes after in order to hide behavior that is abhorrent and utterly reprehensible.

    My timeline shows everything, and it really only makes sense if you read it that way. You see, most of my Tweets are in response to something else.  In fact, this blog post is in response to “Author” Ben Coulter attacking someone.

    Yes, I occasionally delete my tweets. For two reasons, first to fix typos, and second to clear images off my Twitter profile page. I did that with two of the tweets on this blog post that had images in them that detract from my profile page.  But they are here, and here they will stay.

    Why am I posting about this?

    Why am I bothering to spend my limited time posting about this unpleasant, lying troll named Ben Coulter?  Because too much of the world is willing to sit silent in the face of brutality, threats, and all sorts of morally reprehensible behavior.  Coulter has committed each of those atrocities.  Not against me, but against a reviewer who dared to tell him what she thought about his books.

    The above paragraph is not an opinion stated as a fact.  It is fact stated clearly through the images of Coulter’s words, captured before he took the coward’s way out and attempted to delete the evidence of his foul behavior.

    Our world has turned into the cesspool it is because people stay silent in the face of blatant bullshit.  As Edmund Burke said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

    I refuse to “do nothing.” My Twitter timeline holds many examples of my refusal to “do nothing”, as does this blog.  This post is another example of my refusal to do nothing.

    Before I lay this post to rest I would like to say something that may not be obvious. I have never read any of Coulter’s work.  Not the samples on Amazon, nor anything else of his except his Twitter timeline.  You see this post has absolutely nothing to do with Author Ben Coulter’s ability to write novels that sell. All this post is about, is Coulter’s attempt to crush someone.  In his own, undeniable words “prepare for me to destroy you“. That, said to someone who dared to tell him they didn’t like his work. Sadly it seems he managed to drive Jade @Faceki off Twitter. I wonder if Jade is Coulter’s first victim, and whether she will be his last?

    You may choose to remain silent and “do nothing” in the face of evil, but I will not.

  • Papa

    A note left on my desk by my youngest daughter, Julia.

    ~ Papa ~

    Sometimes my roses aren’t red
    And my violets never quite a shade of blue
    But one thing that will always remain
    I love you.
    So when your roses aren’t red, and
    those violets aren’t blue
    Please remember
    I will always love you