Author: CGAyling

  • on Guns

    In my youth I hunted regularly – not for sport, but for meat which we either ate or sold. For me any desire to kill another living creature ended after the war. But that is just me and other people are not subject to my feelings or beliefs. Generally, that is okay.

    Generally.

    It ceases to be okay when the feelings and beliefs of those other people lead to the injury, death, and suffering of innocents. Which leads me to the topic of guns in the USA, or more particularly, of the use of assault rifles in the commission of mass murders.

    Why are weapons designed for the sole purpose of killing other humans for sale in this country? The answer seems to hinge on the second amendment of the US Constitution, which reads, “A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

    Are any of the people who have committed these horrific crimes members of a “well regulated militia”? I don’t think so, so why do they have weapons that only well regulated militias should possess? The US does have well regulated militias, they’re called the Army, Navy, and Air Force, along with their various branches.

    I’m not denying you the right to own and use hunting guns or target rifles. But if you want to bear a gun designed for killing other people then join one of these well regulated militias. Assuming they’ll have you… And if they won’t have you because you’re unfit to possess such a lethal weapon due to a criminal nature or mental deficiency then tough luck – you absolutely should not be able to get your grubby little hands on one as a civilian. Period.

    The time of the civilian population rising up to overthrow a tyrannical government by force of arms is long passed. So has the right for civilians to own weapons designed to kill other civilians.

    So how do we overthrow a government or any nature, let alone a tyrannical one? We use something called “the vote.” We don’t need to go into the streets or the hallways of schools or universities bearing deadly assault weapons with the intent to murder unarmed innocents. All we need to do is use “the vote”.  It is long past time we voted to eject officials who are more interested in obeying the dictates of special interest groups like the NRA than they ever will be in doing what the people who elected them want.

    Vote.  There is more power in that single right than there ever will be in any weapon designed to kill people, so use it already.

  • on Demons and Angels

    A tenet of my personal philosophy is balance in all things.  Throughout our lives we struggle to vanquish our demons, yet I’ve recently concluded we should do no such thing – for it is our demons that drive us and our angels that hold us back.  Perhaps this poem will evoke the essence of my feelings.

    ~ Demons and Angels ~
    ~
    It is our demons who spur us on
    and our angels who put on the brakes.
    It is our demons who press us to risk
    and our angels who whisper warning.
    It is our demons who force us to rise
    and our angels who calm us to rest.
    It is our demons who scream for excess
    and our angels who soothe us to caution.
    It is our demons who tell us we can
    and our angels who say we should not.
    Without our demons to press us onward
    our dreams soon race out of reach.
    Without our demons present and active
    our angels don’t soothe us,
    they’re silent
    instead.
    Without the raging of my demons
    I fear my angels won’t show me the way.
    I’ve somehow escaped my demons,
    is that life I feel slipping away?
    ~

    Please don’t misunderstand the meaning of this post – it has nothing to with good and evil or even with right and wrong.  It is about the forces that drive us and those that encourage us to accept the status quo.  I have chosen to equate the driving forces in our psyche to demons because they aren’t gentle, they don’t ask us nicely – they goad and prod us mercilessly and are never satisfied no matter how hard we try or how much we accomplish.  I’ve equated the forces that hold us back to angels because they praise our efforts while quietly encouraging us to accept our lot without conflict – this is a theme I’m certain you are all too familiar with in all major organized religions.

    Be wary of your wishes, Fate might be listening.

  • a Dream, a Reality

    Dreams often feel like a frightening reality, but the most frightening reality feels like a dream.

    My eyes open. Don’t know where I am. It is cool. The lights are dim. I’m on a narrow bed with the back raised into almost a sitting position. But I’m not sitting, I’m lying down. Pipes all over. All over the bed, all over me. I’m facing the door, it’s made of glass, a double-wide door made of glass. The glass door is open, but nobody enters. They just walk past, without glancing in. Men and women, walking past, oblivious to me. I watch. Time passes. How to count the time? A green dot plots a graph I don’t understand. Rhythmic pulses of green leaving fading lines that disappear, then come again. I need to pee. I try to stand up. I cannot. Pipes in my way. Clear plastic pipes. One plastic pipe ends in my arm. I trace it with my eyes. It hurts to move my head. A bag, suspended from a silver pole. Drip… drip… drip. Two ways to keep the time. Pulses of green, or clear drops dripping into a pipe that feeds my arm. More pipes, these lead to my legs. Legs strapped in socks that have no feet. A gargantuan struggle. I overcome. Now I’m sitting up. Pounding pain in my skull. Three ways to keep the time. Clear drops that drip. A bouncing green dot that fades, then comes again. A drummer in my head. I reach toward my calves. Not enough strength to tug the pipes free. Pain, arching through my brain. Eyes squeeze shut. I don’t give up. Time counted three ways passes. Another fruitless tug. Coarse tearing rip. I force my eyes open. Not socks. A Velcro seam. It opens slowly. Uncovered leg is bare. A man walks past. He doesn’t see me. A few hundred drips of pounding green agony. Both my legs are bare. I swing them off the bed. As if on cue, a woman walks in. “What are you doing?” No threat in her tone. Just a question. What am I doing? “I need to pee.” Reassuring tone, “You don’t need to get up for that.” I struggle to make sense of that, but cannot. “I can see the bathroom. I need to go there.” I nod toward the bathroom door. My skull tries to explode. “Do you know where you are?” Where am I? Can’t shake my head. I meet her eyes. Gentle, reassuring eyes. “No.” She nods, as if no is the right answer. Is this place a secret? “Do you know your name?” I look down. Who am I? I must have a name. Doesn’t everyone have a name? I don’t have a name. “No.” She nods again. So, another right answer. A nameless man, in a secret place he doesn’t know. Urgency. “I have to pee.” I manage to stand. Why are my legs so weak? A single, jarring step. The pipe ending in my arm tugs taut. Got to pee. Irritation. My free hand reaches for the pipe. Tug. Rip it out! Got to pee! The woman calls for help. Reaches for my arm, holds it tight against another tug. “I’ve got to pee!” A man and another woman rush in. The man is much stronger than me. “He doesn’t know his name, or where he is.” The man’s face softens, “Calm down, bud. You’re in a hospital and your name is Charles.” A pause to let this sink in. It doesn’t. I know what a hospital is, but I don’t know Charles. He points at one of the pipes. “That’s a catheter. You don’t need to go to the bathroom to pee, you just pee. It won’t make a mess.” I know what a catheter is. I had one before. My first memory of me. I know what a catheter is. I had one before.

    Though you may think this is a poorly written story full of partial thoughts framed in badly written fragmentary sentences, it is not. It is an episode I remember while still in the ICU, written exactly as I remember it. A solid week of memory gone, apart from this dream like recollection.  When we’ve lost everything even pain becomes precious.

  • on GrandParenting

    Though I believe it should not be, grandparenting is very different to parenting.  As virtually any grandparent will tell you, being a grandparent is far better than being a parent.  Which is not to say being a parent isn’t a wonderful experience – it is.  However being a grandparent should mean you’ve raised your own child well enough that they are now themselves a parent.  There are few rewards greater than that.

    However this post isn’t about how fortunate we are to be grandparents, it’s about how different grandparenting is when compared to parenting.

    By the time we’ve become grandparents we’ve gained knowledge that is virtually impossible to gain any other way than through personal experience.

    We’ve learnt patience, and we’ve learnt that pressure doesn’t pave the way to good behavior.  We’ve learnt it is better to walk with them than it is to push them from behind.  We’ve learnt that life is a difficult path best trod in the company of those we love most, and we’ve learnt our children and grandchildren count high in that number.

    We’ve learnt that the most important rules we can teach our young aren’t about possessions, they’re rules related to relationships.  We’ve learnt enough to gently teach them the importance of compassion, understanding, and tolerance.  We’ve learnt enough to know that offering love is the surest way to receive it.

    We’ve learnt the appropriate response to mistakes is not an angry word spoken in chastisement, it is a kind word spoken in love.  We’ve learnt that something broken can be repaired or replaced, but that a broken heart is much harder to mend.

    We’ve learnt that a hug is not only a wonderful gift, it is also a wonderful reward.

    Perhaps most importantly of all we’ve re-learnt something young children have yet to forget…  We’ve re-learnt that unconditional love, which we hold in our hearts, is a better reward than anything we hold in our hands.  {Except perhaps the hands of the ones we love…}

  • Memories, of clean water

    Recently, I believe as a result of my surgery, I lost my appetite.  My hunger for food is pretty much non-existent, while my appetite for liquids knows no bounds.  Literally.

    The other day, while walking Bacon after a rainstorm, I looked at the water flowing in the cement troughs down the side of the road.  It looked so delicious it was actually tempting to kneel and drink it.  Of course I didn’t.  No, not of course, I don’t think there is really any “of course” about it.  I managed to prevent myself from doing so.  Yes, “managed” is a better choice of word.  Perhaps seeing the rivulet reminded me of the tiny little streams in Rhodesia, particularly in the Eastern Highlands, from which I often drank as growing lad.  Such delicious water, untouched by man, filled with minerals absorbed from the rocks over which it flows.  The memory of the taste of crystal clear, clean water…

    A memory of what I had, yet have no more.

  • on Torture

    I’m sure every civilized, thinking person will agree that torture is the domain of barbarians.

    Yes, torture absolutely should not be allowed.  Unfortunately it is, and the number of people here in the USA who condone it is nothing short of astounding.

    The US Constitution, the supreme law of this land, prohibits the use of cruel and unusual punishment.  Period.  It doesn’t say “don’t do it unless it’s expedient”, its eight amendment states, “Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishment inflicted.”  How is it possible to misinterpret such a categorical statement?

    Yet people come out with unmitigated nonsense like, “They do it to us so we should be able to do it to them.”  When did two wrongs start making a right?

    I’ve also heard multiple Americans say, “If we have to torture someone to stop an act of terrorism, I’m okay with that.”  This sounds almost logical, as do the most seductive of lies.  Unfortunately history has abundantly proven that tortured people do not tell the truth, they tell whatever it is they think their torturer wants to hear.  Are we actually naive enough to think some captured jihadist pawn knows the precise details of an impending act of terrorism?  Perhaps it’s time we stopped watching so many action movies and TV shows with no basis in reality?  Perhaps it’s time we stopped believing the hype and started learning from history?

    There’s so much we could learn from history, but it’s such a difficult lesson…

    Doing what’s right is never as easy as doing what’s expedient – but right is right forever, expedient is only temporarily convenient.

  • What’s the deal of?

    Included in this post is an unscripted recording I made of my Granddaughters, Eden and Ariadne, when they were staying with us recently.  The recording was caught with my phone, so please excuse the variable quality and the low volume.

    Very young children, Ariadne is three, have an amazing way of expressing themselves and learning language.  For reasons known only to her, Ariadne decided that instead of asking “Why?”, she’d ask, “What’s the deal of?”  When young children ask questions, I think it is our duty to answer them as comprehensively and truthfully as possible.  You’ll also hear the voice of Eden and Ariadne’s Great Grandmother, who was also staying with us but has since returned to Africa – I miss you, Mom.

    The best thing about good answers is how they lead to better questions.

    I hope you enjoy listening to this as much as I do.

    In case you're interested, the principle character in Malmaxa is a form of Eden drawn from the ether before she was born.  In many ways the resemblance is uncanny.

  • a Piece

    What do you do they asked me

    “Collect pieces”

    What do you mean they say

    “Moments, things, memories, secret places”

    Why they ask

    “Because I had swallowed myself whole… I let myself rot in darkness, I let the flowers wither when I should have been in the spring of my life. I had given up, content with being bones, letting my ribs cage in my soul, become a vase for dead flowers.
    So I collect what I can, smiles, flowers, museum trips, babies laughter, friends, strangers, bits of jewelry, all that I fancy. Because part of me knows that the rot will never go away… I missed the spring of my life while hiding away.
    Now it is the summer, I let the sun bleach the cage but keep the wilted flowers, I will need then for when I can finally bury all that Ive been through.”

    __________

    The above is a powerful, troubling piece written by my youngest daughter, Julia.  I believe the picture we have of ourself is not the picture others see. If you want to talk, I want to listen.

  • on Bottled Water

    This post is by my daughter, Julia, who graduated High School yesterday. Julia belongs to the generation who will next inherit this planet, so sorely damaged by ours. Please read her words and reconsider how cavalier you are about buying bottled water.

    Water Water Everywhere, But What’s the Price to Drink?

    Bottled water, something almost every single person on the planet has come in contact with one time or another in their life. Bottled water has become a staple of convenience in the lives of Americans, it is easy to just pay a few dollars for a bottle of water, that is one of the reasons we do it. However, there is a price to convenience, and no, the price I am speaking of is not just two dollars. The price is the quality of air we breathe, the quality of life for not only human beings but animals as well, and the enormous overall economic cost of disposable plastic water bottles. Convenience comes at a price we most often do not think about.

    Annie Leonard is an environmental activist who studied at Barnard and Cornell and was recently named executive director of Greenpeace, Greenpeace is a non-government operated environmental organization. Leonard takes a moment to write about the effects of bottled water on the world in many aspects the analysis The Story of Bottled Water: A Footnoted and Annotated Script. She speaks on the economic and environmental effect plastic bottle production has on the world. Leonard states “Bottled water costs about 2,000 times more than tap water” (Leonard 201). Which is further supported by the foot note on the consumer advocacy group approximating a gallon of tap water costing $0.002 per gallon where bottled water costs from $0.89 to $8.25 per gallon (qtd. In Leonard 204). That is a staggering amount of money in a comparative view to what is almost free, 0.002 is a fraction of a penny! Why would someone ever pay so much for water? With the single exception of the inability to gain access to clean and safe drinking water. Leonard also takes a moment to talk about the environment, she said “ Eighty percent end up in landfills, where they will sit for thousands of years, or in incinerators where they will be burned, releasing toxic pollution”(Leonard 201). You know the best part of waking up, breathing in toxic fumes, said no one ever.

    Leonard argues that people have already done massive amounts of damage to the Earth, and we add to that damage one plastic bottle at a time. It is a largely known fact. When a person takes a plastic bottle of water, drinks all the water in it in a matter of minutes and as we all see very often just tosses it aside, where does it go? Well in an article by Richard J. Dolesh, called The Problem with Bottled Water, which highlights on the alternative to bottled water, drinking fountains. Dolesh takes a moment to speak about the environmental problem stating “ Discarded disposable water bottles are the unwelcome byproduct of bottled water, and our parks, streets and rivers become the recipient” (Dolesh 36). Meaning that a large number of disposable water bottles end up on the ground and in the river. Rivers lead to the ocean, and the ocean is seventy percent of the earth’s surface and holds an approximate ninety one percent of Earth’s water and a staggering ninety seven percent of the earth’s species. So John Doe tosses aside his plastic water bottle, it finds its way to a river, which will eventually make its way back to the ocean, and this bottle becomes broken into microscopic pieces of plastic. So what is the problem with that? Well sea creatures -and birds- will often eat these pieces of plastic which will cut into their viscera, and kill them or eventually become so heavy in their stomachs, because plastic is non-digestive, that they can no longer eat and digest their natural food and die.

    Before we leave the topic of the ocean, let me just say that it is not just a few pieces of plastic. Most people nowadays have heard of the GPGP (Great Pacific Garbage Patch). Which is often thought of as a giant island of floating garbage! But that would be much easier to clean up and sadly is not true. In the article Sounds Like Garbage by Joshua Ottum, an scientific article on the GPGP Ottum states that the GPGP is “Microscopic debris is spread throughout a large area of the ocean, making it impossible to view” (Ottum 52). As mentioned above micro plastic, which is almost impossible to clean up because it is spread over a large area, and this ‘Patch’ is so large, approximately twice the size of Texas, because the world adding to it, daily, hourly to be honest. How are we to ever be able to clean it up if we continue to add to the problem? First we need to stop adding to the problem. When faced with the choice choose a reusable water bottle, they can be bought almost anywhere and when thought about are more economically sound than paying continually or a new bottle each day. More than half a billion bottles are purchased each week in the US alone (Leonard 201). When the math is done that would mean each person in the US alone buys at least two disposable bottles a week, now obviously there are people who buy more than that and people who do not buy them at all but for the sake of this example that is what we are going with. So with each person switching to a reusable bottle that knocks off two more from the number of disposable bottles being purchased each week which does not seem like much but that would be saving one hundred and four bottles a year, per person. Which adds up extremely quickly. Another option is the use of public drinking fountains, they are safe, clean and efficient. Most all public places have them, these places being, stores, schools, libraries, and even some parks. These tools are widely available and best of all free to use.

    Leonard writes on the disposal of PET water bottles but not on the effect it has on something we all need, oxygen. According to Leonard, Eighty percent of plastic ends up in landfills which is backed by the Container recycling institute in saying some ninety percent of PET bottles end up in the landfill. A lot of things that are thrown into landfills end up being burned in a giant incinerator, so less landmass has to be taken up. In a multiple authored study by Kale, Deshmukh, Dudhare, Patil it is stated that “Plastic causes pollution and global warming not only because of increase in the problem of waste disposal and land filling but also release CO2 and dioxins due to burning. The burning of waste plastic material produces toxic gases posing health hazard by causing lung diseases and cancer after inhalation” (Kale et al. 953).  People often do not think about what happens to trash after we throw it away, Oh it just magically disappears right? Well no with plastic waste it either sits for a thousand years- a generally known approximation- or is burned up releasing toxic fumes that as read above are linked to lung cancer when inhaled. Hate to break this news, but we are all inhaling it some of us are just a bit farther away than others.  Lung cancer is currently the leading cancer and amounts to a large twenty seven percent of cancer related deaths. That can be equated to much more than just cigarettes.

    Leonard briefly writes on an alternative to disposable PET water bottles.  Richard J. Dolesh author of the article The problem with Bottled Water which talks about an alternative to disposable plastic bottles, states “Proponents of using public and municipal drinking water instead of bottled water note that the cost of producing safe, clean, public drinking water is far, far cheaper than bottled water, in many cases hundreds, if not thousands of times cheaper.” (Dolesh 36). In the beginning of this essay I talk about the research done by Annie Leonard who took the information from the consumer advocacy group approximating a gallon of tap water costing $0.002 per gallon where bottled water costs from $0.89 to $8.25 per gallon. Which backed up by Richard J. Dolesh shows to be true, 0.002 is far less expensive than 0.89. So just from that we can see the price of water production, for disposable plastic bottles is a lot more expensive than the production of tap water. And do we know who is paying for that highly increased price, well that’s right we are. Let’s talk about personal economics, say John Doe pays the price of two dollars per water bottle, and buys a bottle of water three days a week, he is paying six dollars a week for water. In and of itself that does not sound like very much, but there are fifty two weeks in a year. So when Mr. Doe spends three hundred and twelve dollars a year on bottled water, wouldn’t it be great to have an extra three hundred and twelve dollars each year, to pay back on a home or car, or buy that nice new outfit. There is no person in the world that would say “You know what, no I don’t want more money.”

    Another perfectly safe option that Leonard did not mention in her essay that would save the same amount of money each year is public drinking fountains which is the highlight of Dolesh’s article The problem with Bottled Water when he stated “Proponents of using public and municipal drinking water instead of bottled water note that the cost of producing safe, clean, public drinking water is far, far cheaper than bottled water, in many cases hundreds, if not thousands of times cheaper.” (Dolesh 36). What this means is that public drinking fountains, and municipal drinking water (Tap water) are far more cost effective than and just as safe as PET water bottles. To drink from a public drinking fountain is completely free, and completely safe.

    There is a cost to everything, even convenience, that price can include air, and wildlife as well as our oceans and our lives. All of the issues above we face, endangerment of wildlife, pollution, economics, and many more, can be fixed. Part one is to stop adding to the problem, say no to disposable bottles. The less people willing to pay for them, the less they will be produced. Saying no to disposable bottles is as simple as buying a reusable one, they cost from five to fifteen dollars, have no expiration date and are made of 100% recyclable material. Step two is doing your very best to not throw away disposable plastic bottles but to recycle them. Most every plastic bottle that is used is made of PET sometimes known as PETE plastic, full name polyethylene terephthalate. PET is the most recyclable plastic out there, and plastic as the most non recycled recyclable material out there. So throw that bottle in the blue bin, or if the county you reside in does not have blue bins take them down to your local fire station they have recycling bins there. Step three, if you see a bottle on the ground pick it up, they weigh maybe an ounce, and if they’re not picked up, they will most likely make their way to the ocean to become the microscopic debris that are so difficult to clean and are killing so many animals. And the final step, spread the word, tell friends and family about what is going on and what they can do to help, every person who decides to say no to disposable plastic is saving the planet we call home. So ask yourselves, is it really worth ignoring, is it really worth not doing these simple things just so you can have two more seconds in your day? Is the price one you are really willing to pay?

    Work Cited

    Dolesh, Richard J. “The Problem With Bottled Water.” Parks & Recreation 49.5 (2014): 36-38. Academic Search Complete. Web. 19 Feb. 2017.

    Kale, Swapnil K., et al. “Microbial Degradation Of Plastic: A Review.” Journal Of Biochemical Technology 6.2 (2015): 952-961. Academic Search Complete. Web. 19 Feb. 2017.

    Leonard, Annie. “The Story of Bottled Water.” 2010. The Norton Reader: An Anthology of  Nonfiction. Ed. Melissa A. Goldwaite et al. 14th ed. New York: Norton, 2016. 200-212. Print.

    OTTUM, JOSHUA. “Sounds Like Garbage: Paddling Through An Imaginary Island Of Trash    Toward A New Sonic Ecology.” Social Alternatives 33.1 (2014): 52-59. Academic Search   Complete. Web. 19 Feb. 2017.

     

     

     

     

  • Out of the Mouths of Babes

    Our three year old granddaughter, Ariadne, is a gem and a consistent user of amazingly appropriate expressions.  In this she shows a remarkable resemblance to her mother, my oldest daughter, Tamryn.

    The latest tale of Ariadne is of her desperately wanting a beanbag cat with oversized eyes.

    Ariadne saw it while in a fabric store with her mom and fell in love with it.  After a few days she finally talked her mom into acquiring it.  They arrive at the store, only to find the beanbag cat is now accompanied by a beanbag dragon.

    After examining both, Ariadne changes her mind and chooses the beanbag dragon.  They take it home, where Ariadne diligently proceeds to take off all its price stickers and attached labels.  After all, aren’t Dragons priceless creatures that don’t deserve to be labeled?

    The next day Ariadne tells her mom, “I’ve changed my mind, I really want the cat.”
    Tamryn responds, “No, you chose the dragon.”
    Ariadne, “But the cat will be lonely without us.”
    Tamryn, “Too bad.  You picked the dragon, so now you have to stick with it.”
    Ariadne, “I want the cat as well!”
    Tamryn, “Not going to happen!  You’re not getting the cat.”
    Ariadne, “Oh, but I think I will…”

    On another occasion, when her mom denied her something she wanted, Ariadne issued the ominous warning, “You’re going to regret this…”  Remember, Ariadne is barely three years old 🙂

    I’m sure there are morals to this story but I’m too tired to find them, so instead I’ll leave you with some trivia…
    When in dire financial straits one of the last things parents stop buying is toys for their children.
    If you want to learn more about Tamryn, you can find her in Malmaxa.  She is both an extraordinary person in my life, and an extraordinary character in my alternate world.
    To find the origins of the name Ariadne, you might refer to this google search.  No, Ariadne doesn’t yet appear in Malmaxa, but she does hold an extraordinarily special place in my heart.