C.G.Ayling

Category: General

General Topics

  • Shaping Memories

    Last night I ventured from the safety of Twitter, and joined Tumblr to post a question to one of my favorite Twitter companions. A few hours later, Tumblr emailed me an auto-bot question asking, “What is your earliest human memory?” The question prompted me to think about memory, how it shapes our character, and how we reshape it each time we take the time to reflect on something in our past.

    After consideration, a memory of sandworms popped into my mind. No, not the variety popularized by Frank Herbert – the real, and much more frightening variety, “Cutaneous Larva Migrans”. The larvae of these parasitic little monsters penetrate the skin then burrow around leaving itchy trails. I must have been between three and four when the tops of my feet developed the visible tracks left by the infection. My memory, is of none of these things. No, my memory is of some brutal, nameless, faceless doctor deliberately freezing my feet.

    As soon as I managed to cast aside the sandworm experience, another immediately popped into mind. I’m guessing the connection between the two memories is of approximate age. This recollection is about another traumatic experience. Our dog, Ginty, had a litter of pups. After finding homes for most of them two puppies remained – I adopted one, my brother, the other. Life was good. Then, someone who had been on vacation returned and offered to take one of the puppies. My father gladly accepted, promising we would keep whichever dog remained. An intense competition with my brother ensued, both of us attempting to convince Uncle Eric that the other’s dog was the better. I lost, and Uncle Eric departed with my pet. (The name literally popped into my mind as I typed that sentence.)

    Now let us consider how these memories shaped me, and how I’ve just reshaped them.

    The sandworm incident was particularly unpleasant, and quite likely the start of my lifelong distrust of doctors. Although I’ve never analyzed this before, I suspect one of the reasons I never had another dog as a growing child, or even realized I wanted one, was because of the devastating loss of a treasured pet. The memories definitely shaped me.

    With the two memories are now associated in my mind, and because of the order I recalled them, an assumption that the sandworm incident happened before the puppy incident is trying to take hold. I’ve also taken a few minutes to research “sandworms”, which is where I found the Latin name for them. During that research, undertaken to validate the memory, I saw some pretty horrible pictures of the infestation the parasites leave. When next I reminisce on that incident, I expect the memory will include frantic itching. Simply by remembering, I’m reshaping my own memories.

    As humans don’t have digital brains, memory is far from perfect … every time we recall something, tiny portions of it change. Memories are in constant flux, and seem more and more real, the more we remember them. We’re effectively creating our own past, the more we think of it.

    As a writer, I reverse that process and create a future by imagining it. Are my novels filled with my thoughts and memories? How could they not be?

  • of an Ogre, and a Princess.

    Yesterday, we attended the third Birthday celebration of our Granddaughter, Eden – who turns three today.  On Friday night, my wife and I went shopping for birthday gifts.  My wife chose a wooden farm set, complete with building and various animals.  I wondered up and down the aisles exclaiming, “Oh look, isn’t this nice!”

    Eventually I selected the gift I knew Eden would like – a fairy crown, and a fairy wand with a tip that lights when a button in its handle is pressed.  Filled with my usual certainty {ok, ok, my arrogance…}, I proclaimed, “She’ll love this!”  My wife snorted in derision – confident in her equal assurance that Eden would love her choice at least as much.

    Like many people, my wife buys gifts she thinks are cute and appropriate to the recipient.  She falls blindly into the trap advertisers lay – children don’t buy gifts, adults do.  Sadly, the marketing of children’s gifts targets adults, not kids.

    I bind myself with no such artificial restrictions!  My primary consideration is how much the child will enjoy the gift.  Here, I must admit I hold a huge advantage over my wife – it’s easy for me to place myself in the mindset of a three-year old, indeed my wife often says that’s where I usually am.  Anyway… if I was a fairy princess there is one essential thing I’d need – a wand, for who can make wishes, without a wand?

    Eden received so many gifts, both of ours were initially lost in the huge pile.  Eventually, she found mine, tried and discarded the crown {incorrectly sized for one of her impressive cranial capacity}, and retained the wand.  {Eden’s other grandmother thoroughly enjoyed assembling the farmhouse, so my wife’s gift met with a worthy, age appropriate audience}.

    As the day wore long, Eden tired and eventually exclaimed, “Too many people!”  Turning to me, eyes filled with a wicked gleam, she made a mystical motion with the wand, aimed it directly at me, and incanted, “You… Go!”

    Who says children don’t intuitively know how to banish ogres?

    And now, a treat in reward for reading this, pictures of Eden.

    Eden Wand

    A three year old princess, preparing to banish those in need of banishment!

    Eden

    {and here, is a Fairy Tale of a different sort}

  • Of Julia, my gem.

    Our most precious youngest child, Julia, turns fourteen today {we have three other most precious children, but only Julia is youngest}.  The end of her first teenage year has seen Julia blossom into a gorgeous young lady, whose empathy far exceeds the average.  Her sense of humor is sharp, pointed, and piquant.  Her sense of justice, a razors edge capable of cutting through the mass media’s misleading mistruths.  In a word, Julia is a gem.

    For her fourteenth birthday, Julia received a few small things:-

    • A box of M&M candy – once you break through the crust, inside is pure delight.
    • A box of Sour Patch candy – even the sweetest, can be sour {unlike her father, Julia is never bitter}.
    • A box of Air Heads candy – to match her mind, in its rare {thankfully} teenage moments.
    • And finally, a set of purple Skull Candy headphones – Julia’s favorite color, and a nice match for her extravagant Christmas Gift, an iPod touch.

    You’ll likely notice the candy theme – yes, Julia has a sweet tooth perfectly matching her personality, and her nature.  Are we biased where our beloved youngest daughter is concerned?  Naturally, but our pride has cause, and significant justification – beneath are links to posts on my blog that reveal a tiny part of Julia – should you have the time, or inclination to follow them.  I beg you, do – Julia will reveal how precious a young, unfettered soul can be.

    The Wind and the Tree – a poem, most precious.

    Hoodless, is little red riding… – Julia’s pointed sense of humor, revealed.

    A child’s poem, to her mother – Julia’s Christmas gift, to her mother {she socked me, with socks}.

    Julia, my gem – this reveals Julia’s caring nature, nicely.

    Morning Musings – evidence of Julia’s ability to cut through the mass media’s hyperbole.

    Three versions of truth – Julia, showing her wit at her father’s expense – a price I’m always glad to pay.

    You heard what? – Julia, supporting her father in opposition to her mother – this happens so rarely I simply had to write about it :).

    Location, an arcane art – remember the Air Heads candy, above?

    Back home! – demonstrates Julia’s ability to switch focus from herself.

    Julia, and all her siblings feature often in my thoughts, which I post on on Twitter.  You can find more of her, and her influence on me, by doing a search for “Julia” using WordPress search feature on the right just beneath the site picture – I recommend it, thoughts of Julia, will soothe your soul.

    In summary let me reveal a secret – Julia’s character holds the place of highest honor in my series, Malmaxa – see if you can identify her, she appears early in the tale – which you can read right here. {pardon me the plug}

  • Another day, Another Stop.

    Tuesday, Feb 19, 2013 finds me on another stop on my Blog Tour.

    Today’s interview is with the people hosting the tour, namely the folks at Pump Up Your Book – you can read this in depth interview here.

    I particularly enjoyed this interview, as it gave me a chance to reveal some of the things that are important to me as a person.  Those of you who follow me on Twitter, may find out a little more about me than I can relate in 140 characters.

    Naturally I also try and give you a glimpse into a few details about the first novel in my Epic Philosophy Couched as Fantasy series – Malmaxa I – Beltamar’s War.

    Please feel free to post your comments or question either there, or here.  Thanks for stopping by!

  • Let’s Talk, about Guns.

    With recent tragedy fresh in mind, I thought I’d share my feelings on guns, and the touchy subject of gun control.  First, a little background about me.  I’m proud to be a naturalized Citizen of the USA.  Before gaining that status, I occupied limbo – holding the unenviable state, of being stateless.  You see, I left the country of my birth a very long time ago – Zimbabwe, is most reluctant to renew the documents of non-residents, five generations… for nothing.  Does any of this matter?  Good question, my answers follow.

    On freedom’s scale, Zimbabwe must rate as one of the worst.  Most of the things the Zimbabwe Government holds dear are anathema to me.  For example, rampant censorship, absolute control of all media, zero freedom of speech, and complete gun control.  {About now you’re thinking you know my stance, read on – I may yet surprise you.}

    Contrast Zimbabwe to the USA, and you realize we live in a virtual paradise – least in my mind we do.  In the USA, the very idea of censorship is abhorrent to most people.  The United States Constitution guarantees freedom of the press, freedom of speech, and the right to bear arms.  {Now, you’re positive you know where this leads – again, I say read on.}

    As a former citizen of a country with virtually no civil liberties, I hold civil liberty in high esteem.  Indeed, as a naturalized Citizen of the USA, I have little doubt I treasure my newfound freedom far more than most born in the US Americans – few of whom have had to live beneath tyranny’s oppressive fist.  Every time I see something erode civil liberty within the USA, my heart sinks – seldom regained, are liberties lost.  {I knew it, I hear you say… you’re wrong.}

    To me, government has a single purpose – service to its citizens.

    Now contrast my abhorrence of erosion of civil liberty, which gun control most definitely is, with my belief that a government is obliged to protect its citizens – finally, the quandary reveals itself.

    Though this is a cliché, it is also undeniably true – “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.”  Without a person operating it, a gun does nothing.  This is the real issue, and we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be distracted from it with emotional rhetoric.

    People in the USA kill other people – and it seems their preferred means of achieving this, is with a gun.  While we can legislate away guns, we can’t legislate away insanity.

    To me, that’s the real crux of the matter – insane people using guns against innocents.  With the actual problem identified, it seems the solution to the problem is very simple.  Keep guns out of the hands of those people who should not have them.  In my mind, there are two types of “those people” – there are criminals, and there are the mentally unstable.  Neither should be permitted to possess firearms.  Period.

    In the case of the criminals, this is a no-brainer.  Since they choose to step outside the law, they relinquish their right to certain of its protections, and certain of its privileges.  Indeed, criminals used to be termed outlaws.  Outlaws, or criminals if you prefer, have no business possessing firearms.  Once someone becomes a convicted criminal, they never have the pleasure of owning a firearm again – no excuses, no rehabilitation, no parole… the end.

    The question of mental instability is far more difficult.  Identifying mentally unstable people is complex – it will require unpopular laws that could impinge on civil liberty, without extreme care and oversight by the citizenry.  However, once identified, unstable individuals shouldn’t be permitted to possess weapons with which they have the potential to hurt themselves, or others.

    In summary, laws impinging on the Constitutional right to bear arms do nothing to solve the real problem.  Remember what the real problem is and has always been – guns in the hands of the irresponsible.  That is where our legislative efforts should be focused – eliminating the possibility of irresponsible people possessing firearms.  Gun control…  I’m all for it, if it’s handled in that fashion.

    {originally posted on She Writes.}

  • Nothing new? Not true…

    Looking at my blog, makes things seem particularly quiet. Indeed, lots is happening right now.  I’m on a blog tour, and looking for blogs to host me, either for interviews, or for guest posts.

    Read my first ever Fairy Tale, titled “A Crystal Tear“.  Must say, I’m delighted with the responses to it on twitter, might even keep the story going.

    I’ve been traveling far more than I desire, not the joyful kind, that pleasure is, but the pressure kind, that work is.  No end to that in sight – oh well, no peace for the wicked, as they say.

     

  • Hoodless, is little red riding…

    A {JuliaGem}.

    My wife knows almost everyone in our neighborhood. While driving, Julia often tests her amazing memory.

    Usually my wife names everyone, till one morning we saw a heavily set woman wearing a red overcoat.

    Julia asked, “Who is that?”

    Without hesitation, my wife answered, “Little Red Riding Hood, without the hood.”

    Julia immediately quipped back, “And without the little…”

  • Marriage, a word’s meaning.

    Marriage, a wonderful word ~ a worthy institution ~ a question, of meaning…

    Although I never thought anyone had the right to tell another who they can or can’t love,  long did I hold the belief that the word marriage defined a union between a man and a woman. Very recently I was thinking about this and realized that limiting this particular word to a narrow, archaic construct has a major impact on people – my belief that a word should be limiting, placed severe constraints on others.

    Who am I to tell anyone who chooses to make a commitment, that they cannot – simply because the one to whom they commit themselves is of the same gender? I don’t have that right, and if I did… well, I would cast it away.

    In the past, I would have voted for any type of civil union, regardless of its name. Yet, within my heart, I reserved the word marriage for only the variety of union in which I am bound. My way, is not the only right way.

    Now, I must open my closed mind and grant others, different from me, their chance at happiness, their chance at lifelong togetherness. Call it a civil union, call it a marriage, or simply call it by its true name… love.

    While none of us has any right to determine the lie of another’s heart, everyone deserves a chance at completion.  Well done Washington, for taking a leadership role amongst the United States, once more.

    {04/14/13 you can read more of my journey to understand the meaning of marriage, here.}

  • Adelmar’s Recollection – audio.

    The link below is to my personal attempt at a voice recording. While reading the words that poured from our heart onto paper is difficult enough, reading them aloud is orders of magnitude moreso.  Indeed it makes me appreciate those who record audio books – walking in another’s shoes truly reveals the difficulty of their path.  Be warned, this is quite likely one of the most difficult things I’ve ever managed to do.

    Please note this recording is from an early version, though the words have changed the content has not. Here is the opening of Beltamar’s War, the first book in my epic work of Philosophy, Couched as Fantasy – Malmaxa.

    Beltamar’s War Chapter 1, Section 1 – Adelmar’s Recollection.

    I hope it intrigues you enough to read the tale.  Thank you for listening.

  • Creation, or Evolution?

    In an attempt to understand ourselves and our place within the cosmos, thinking people {yes, I do classify myself as such} inevitably wrestle with their beliefs.

    Open your mind and read on… if something has sealed that door, then farewell, I have no desire to offend.  Likewise, for those already gloating in anticipation of the debunking of your oppositions beliefs, I doubt you will remain so satisfied.  Demonizing those who hold views differing from your own should remain the domain of worthless politicians.  It has no place here.

    Belief, what is it?  Complex, insubstantial, yet defining. We all have it, believers and atheists alike. “But I don’t believe!”  I hear the atheist assert.  Of course you do… yet your belief is in the lack.  A quandary, no?

    Before I alienate everyone {a skill I hold in abundance, and abundant esteem}, let me share a tweet revealing some of me.

    Since WordPress embeds sometimes fail, this is what I said “If I am anything, I am a Believer – in Logic, Love, Nature, Karma, the Spirit-[]-Soul, Fate, and the Immutable Laws of Physics.”

    Every word of that is truth, as I see it.  I don’t hold you to any of those things, indeed I hope your beliefs differ greatly from my own. After all, isn’t diversity vital to the well-being of any species?

    Some will be tempted to tear at my words, in vain I warn, for each element have I long considered.  Each word upon a platform sits, and before it do I bow.  Each, is truth, to me.  Yet how can this be? Does not Logic defy Fate, it does. Are the Immutable Laws of Physics, mutable?  They are not {of course, there are exceptions to all absolutes}, thus they place themselves at odds with Karma.  But I believe in both. Each alone, and each in contradiction.  Note well that Logic leads my list, it is foremost in a group of equals.

    Perhaps it might be easier to explain things in matters of Disbelief.  Very well, here goes.

    I don’t believe in either Religious Creationism, or Evolution.  Allow me opportunity to explain my position on these.

    Religious Creationism.  The only form of Creationism I accept is that I, in conjunction with my wife, have created four progeny.  For each I take both the Glory and the Blame, as does my wife.  They are our ultimate, and our only tangible Creations. Everything else was there before, and could as easily have come from the hands, hearts, or loins of any other.  Our children?  They could come from naught save our union, thus we did indeed create them.  Not in our image, I am most pleased to say.  Though their genes might be derived, their Character is their own.  As to Religious Creationism… well, if we were created, then what created our creator, and what demands we subjugate our souls before whatever it was that created us?  Surely, if we’re really smart, we’d worship the creator of our creator?  No, wait!  Make that the creator of our creator’s creator.  See where this is leading? A circular path with no end, and no point.

    Evolution.  As generally taught, is an unproven theory stated as a fact, and accepted by many as such. How many graphs and pretty pictures have I seen allegedly revealing the smooth, gradual transformation of one species into another?  Many.  Yet I remain utterly unconvinced.  Logic asserts Evolution’s truth with seductive words “…it must be so, everyone agrees, simply accept it…”  Then Logic defies itself by demanding hard, irrefutable evidence – evidence which is sorely lacking, unless accepted with huge leaps of faith to surmount the gaps in evolution’s chains.  Evolution as it is taught, a smooth transition from one species into another, demands acceptance, not on verifiable evidence, but on faith.  All the brightest say it’s so, so who am I, to go against this flow?  Startling.  Isn’t that precisely what organized religion demands?  And there are just as many highly esteemed people on that side of this issue.

    Religious Creationism, and Evolution are irreconcilable opposites.  If you think they’re the only choices, then take your pick.  Personally, I choose neither.

    The human need for understanding drives the need for “Belief”.  Our nature demands we understand how things are, what caused them, and what will ultimately result from them.  When faced with something we cannot assimilate, we lose our capability for reason and accept whatever the majority of our fellows have accepted.  This, is probably a species imperative.  If the majority accept it, and they’re alive the they’ve found a path to safety therefore they must be right.  Both Religious Creationism and Evolution fall into this deceptive category.

    So, what do I really believe {do you truly care, why thank you :)}?  Though I told you earlier, I’ll phrase it in different words a second time.  I believe in choice, contradiction, and inevitable change.  I long for the day a logical argument contradicts me, changes my mind, and displaces Logic as the foremost concept to which I grant my obeisance.

    I hope you’ve enjoyed this post.  If so, please re-tweet it {there might be a link at the top of the post}, let’s meet in the twitterverse and walk alongside one another for a time.  Who knows, we might find the One True Path, amongst the many…

    Meanwhile, if you desire further food for thought, consider reading more of my {slightly} deeper thoughts, framed in literature as lyrical as I am able.  I’ve published a series, to which I’ve assigned an entirely new genre {I never claimed to lack Arrogance} – namely, Philosophy, couched as Fantasy.  The journey into hidden thoughts, difficult choices, and metaphor begins here. The sample is entirely free, while being insanely expensive – its price?  The most precious thing any of us have, besides our children, time.

    1. Prompted by a discourse with @mcknick85, on the theory of evolution. Personally, I have never understood why a theory is misstated as a fact.