Category: General

A tasty snippet of your soul is the soup we all crave… A.K.A. my insights into Twitter Bio’s http://t.co/3tfigJpP

— C.G.Ayling (@CGAyling) October 14, 2012

Disclaimer.  If you’re here for a fast fix, a Twitter Bio-101 so to speak, then move along – that’s simply not my style.  If you want to draw up a leisurely chair, and maybe even chuckle while you gain my insights, read on.  Furthermore, I’m a complete newbie in social media, and fully intend to remain that way – so be warned, all you’ll get here is my deceptive honesty.  For a much more polite article on good behaviour in the Twitterverse, head on over to Twit Cleaner, I recommend them (for what little that means :))!

I’ve spent the last couple of days on Twitter, seeking an audience – the “hard” way.  Are there easier ways?  Personally, I doubt it.  Sure, there are a ton of people trying to sell you followers, along with multiple add-ons offering you selection and fine control.  While I have nothing against the latter, the former are highly questionable.  It might just be me (it often is, actually), however I’m tending toward opposition to human trafficking.  What’s that you say? Those followers are just spam-bots, not real people?  Well, if I’d known that before… (I might have destroyed my credibility even faster than I am on my own…)

Enough rambling, already!  This post details my thoughts, captured as I subjected myself to the cruel and unusual punishment of “finding followers”.  Call me Stupid, (my wife often does, so you’re in excellent company), but I figured out the best way to find people with whom I wish to interact (AKA, those who’ll succumb to the imminent, impending hard sell!) would be to seek them on Twitter.  My limited capacity, model ’60, imagination could come up with no better strategy than reading their Twitter Biographies.

How to begin, then?  Well, I cheated (shhhhhh!, I don’t want my wife to hear) – I selected a few interesting looking Tweeters, (avoiding the “famous” like the plague),  clicked their links, hit their home profiles, and scanned their most recent tweets.  If they were tweeting things I found interesting, I noted their names.  If they were spouting nonsense, (AKA constant advertisements hidden within compressed URLs), I moved on.  Soon enough, a few hours, no more than a day, or two, (wait, what day is this again?), and I had my “source”.

If you’re squeamish, stop reading now – for the depth of my wickedness is about to be revealed.  Yes, it’s true – it was me… I started stealing, pillaging, robbing, thieving, looting, and poaching their followers!  The thrill of this was almost more than I could bear!  Lists, that had taken them eons to build, I ransacked in seconds!  Oh, the glorious subterfuge.  Wait just one second here, I strive to be honest, (not because honesty is the best policy, which it is, but because I’ll be caught if I diverge from truth’s path), did I say “in seconds”?  If I did, which I’m not admitting… well, then consider that a slight exaggeration (slight, in political terms, means five trillion – therefore my exaggeration was slight, to the point of insignificance).  So it took me about thirty hours, anyone counting?  Certainly not me…

Let me tell you, reading twitter bio’s for thirty hours is about as much fun as having an unpeeled pineapple rubbed in your face (no wonder my eyes are burning – it’s got nothing to do with my inner demons, I swear).  I can’t recommend it strongly enough!  Do it, and find out for yourself.  Not only will you soon learn exactly what type of people you’re looking for, but you’ll learn how to stifle that gag reflex when you read the truly terrible bio’s.

And now, without further delay, here’s my list of do’s and don’ts for Twitter Biographies.  Since I’m an acknowledged Negative, the list of don’ts far exceeds the Positive (did that come out right, it hurts my mouth to form that word).  For the like-minded, don’t worry, I’ll get to the bad stuff as fast as I can.

Turn-On’s – if these factors are in your bio… Good job!

Re-Tweeters –  Very compelling, but only if my message might be what your followers are looking for.  Lets face it, if your niche is crushed pomegranate pips, well your followers really won’t be interested in my brand of snake oil, namely moral philosophy couched as fantasy.

You’ll listen –  Thank you.  However, I hope you’ll also talk, then we’ll have great conversations together.

A tantalizing hint of something I seek – and I’m hooked.  Likely, this will be something about you (no, no, no! well yes, 36-24-36, is exactly what I didn’t mean).

Something I strongly identify with – Snag!  Works every time – individual results may vary…  And precisely how do you know what I identify with?  You don’t, so be honest and speak of yourself, and you’ll attract the right kind of people for you (if you’re unlucky, I might be one of them).

A clever *original* play on words –  I’m a sucker for them, I’ll almost always flick that blasted follow button – even if I have nothing in common with @whoever. Here’s a perfect example, Marisa Michelle and yes, I am following her.

Bottom-line –  Fill up those 160 characters with real words about who you think you are or would like to be, and what you’ve seen on your journey so far.  In simple English, a tasty snippet of your soul is the soup we all crave. What could be easier?

Turn-off’s – if these are in your bio, especially if they’re at its start… well, I’m probably not following you.

In vague order from most obnoxious, to most trivial.  This is the good stuff, the bad stuff that is, for us negatives, keep your mitts off my half-full glass types…

Threats – threaten to unfollow me if I unfollow you… Who cares?  I promise it isn’t me, and I guarantee I won’t be clicking you to find out more.  To me, your bio screams something like this “Complete loser, except to people interested only in large, meaningless numbers.”  (five trillion, anyone?)

Boasts –  Any shape or form, ranging from how wonderful you think you are, down to a list of “credentials” intended to make you seem important.  I’m not interested in what you claim to have done, rewards you claim to have received, or who you claim has endorsed you.  (Notice the trendy word there?  It was claim.) This is the internet – there are no laws here, and many liars (sneaks a quick glimpse at the mirror, nope, my honest face is still on).  Simply because you say it on the Internet, doesn’t make it true.

L33t-5p3ak –  Communication should be easy.  Forcing me to mentally decode whatever clever message you’re trying to convey… well, it’s a smart way to make me skip you.  Use it in your posts if you must, but avoid it in your bio – unless you want to keep potential listeners away.

Poor Grammar –  Yes, I might be one of them – the many, many, who value the slightest hint of a fundamental understanding of rudimentary grammar.  In your Tweets you can type fast and ignore those pesky niceties.  Don’t do it in your bio – first impressions do count.  On Twitter your bio is your first impression, make the most of it.

Claiming Copyright on your Tweets –  If, indeed, you wrote them, their copyright is implicitly yours.  Better yet, your tweets are recorded and timestamped for posterity by Twitter.  Yes, people will steal them, corrupt them, and republish them as their own – there’s little we can do about that sort of scumbag.  You gain little by claiming copyright in your bio – anyone can read your Tweets without ever reading your bio, so to effectively assert copyright you’d have to preface every single Tweet with such an assertion. Good luck finding room for that in a 140 character Tweet, of course you could try using the copyright symbol ©, I think that would be pretty annoying though.  So, instead of gaining something, you alienate me from reading your Tweets.  Since I’m here to converse, I won’t waste my time engaging with someone who clearly doesn’t want to speak with me – they only want to talk at me.  Would you choose to remain in a conversation with a colleague who prefaced everything they said with, “Don’t repeat this without attributing it to me…”?  Twitter, is about choice.  I choose no.  By the way, before you copy and paste from this post, look up in the top right corner of this page, yep, that’s an assertion of copyright all right – but this is my blog, not a Twitter bio.

An animated GIF as your avatar –  Yes, you’re very clever, making those little monstrosities is time consuming, and you really, really want to show off your amazing skills.  Unfortunately, here’s the downside… I’m a primitive man, if your avatar blinks at me or moves – my first instinct is to kill it, and I do. {Update, I just unfollowed a user whose posts had a blinking avatar.  I liked their content, but the constant “look at me, look at me” demand of their avatar for attention broke this camel’s back.}

I Follow Back –  Impressive, tempting, but un-combined with some gem about you – not compelling.

Nothing but a hyperlink –  If you say nothing about yourself in your bio, why would I be tempted to click your link?  It’s not like I’m paranoid enough, now you want me unwrapping “gifts” provocatively encased in blue? (hehe, that isn’t a link, but by all means keep on clicking it…)

Superlatives in your description of self –  Blowing your own trumpet…  Classy, very classy [not].

A blank bio – I’m a skeptic by nature, this makes me think you… aren’t.  I know Twitter is full of bots, but I can’t imagine a bot smart enough to write an effective bio – steal one, sure, but within no time it’ll be on every other bot bio.  Therefore, what a blank bio tells me is that you’re a bot.  Move along, nothing to see there.

A sales pitch – Whew, and I was just starting to worry about the dearth of advertising on the internet, yours is like a breath of fresh air.  Tell me about yourself, not your product.

Outrageous claims –  Save them for your sales pitch posts, which will only come after I choose to follow you, which I won’t be doing since I’m pretty sure they will be disposable spam, which I don’t want.  Oh, and by the way, where’s the disclaimer?  Shouldn’t  advertising be honest, at least superficially?

We – I’m interested in communicating with individuals – if there’s more than one of you, then each of you should have your own account.

I am @unknown – Terrible way to introduce yourself, even in the “real world”.  I don’t want to know your name, I want to know something about you, and how you might hold an interest for me.  Names can come later, after we’ve sized each other up.

The next points, well they’re about the pointless…

Where you live –  This is the Virtual World… we’re right here, together, in your browser – lean closer and you’ll hear me, look closer and you can read me.  What does place matter, unless you’re dropping names to impress me, in which case read the article again, paying special attention to the topic entitled “Boasts“.

Unnecessary greetings –  As I zoom past your bio, I’m thinking “Who is that strange person talking to, cause it certainly isn’t me.”

Complaints, about the horrific limitations of 160 characters – With space so tight, why are you wasting so much of it complaining?  The good news is that if you manage to squeeze in at least one interesting thing, I might still follow you.

Other things I already know I don’t like…

TrueTwit validation –  I don’t think I’m a twit, so clearly you must be talking about yourself.  I won’t respond to these, ever.  In fact, I immediately delete the email heralding how some self-proclaimed twit demands my undivided attention.  In this, I’m certain I’m a lot more generous than most, who I suspect will unfollow instantly.  However, my generosity established and cast aside, your name will stick in my mind… That’s a bad thing, since I’ll be extra critical of your first tweets, with an itchy unfollow finger waiting eagerly to dispatch you to virtual oblivion.

DM’s from follow bots – Very irritating, they almost compel me to hit unfollow.  I don’t mind actual DM’s from real people composed directly to me, though I would much prefer they simply Tweeted their message.  Twitter is an open forum, say what you think out loud, don’t whisper it. (Yes, I know about private accounts, and have followed a few – but those days, hours, minutes, seconds, all five trillion of them, are rapidly coming to an end.)  Believe it or not, I received an autofollow DM trying to sell me fake watches (or “replica watches & jewelry”,  as he termed it).  Not surprised?  How about if I mentioned this garbage purveyor’s bio proudly proclaimed, “Doing Life God’s Way!”?  Which god might that be? The god of Avarice, perhaps?  Needless to say, it didn’t take me long to click “unfollow”.

DMs – yep, I’m already beginning to dislike these obnoxious little whispers, they are so overwhelmingly banal.  Did I say I don’t mind DMs?  I’ve changed my mind.  Perhaps the first Twitter add-on I’ll look for will be something to eliminate them,  then unfollow their sender.  But that’s just me being private and paranoid, in an open virtual world.

{Update on DM’s} – paranoia proven true… On 10/15/12 my paranoia saved me from two DM transmitted scumware attacks.  Links which attempted to redirect me to (1) a fake facebook site, and (2) a fake twitter site named “twivvter dot com” (please don’t succumb to curiosity and visit it). Both did a fine job of acting like my internet connection had been interupted, then attempted to trick me into revalidating – which would have given some worthless piece of human flesh control of my accounts.  Please be very careful, if it happened to me on the third or fourth day I actually started “using” Twitter, it is very likely to happen to you. An example of the actual attack attempt email appears below, names obliterated to save innocents embarassment.

Please don’t visit that compressed url, it’ll take you to this…

Looks pretty real, doesn’t it? Oh, and a further warning – my Firefox is locked down pretty tight, it blocked a script before this site popped up. My recommendation? If you ever see this nasty, nasty copyright violating website, close down all browser sessions, and scan your computer for scumware – by the time you see the picture scripts may have compromised your browser.

{A little slam here} – as Twitter’s complaint submission form requires submission of the offending tweet’s hyperlink, they give us no way to report these attacks. As far as I can find, DMs don’t have hyperlinks – which means you can’t actually report them.  (Recall my newbie status? I hope I’m wrong on this point, in which case I’ll be glad to fix this error.) It would be trival for Twitter to include a “Report Attack” button on the DM dialog, and equally trivial to scan submitted links for browser redirection attempts and immediately place a lock on the account of “offenders”.  That would protect real people, since the sender is quite likely to be unaware they’ve been “hacked” –  in the case of the DMs I received, I’m convinced of that.

And now, the things I secretly like in a Bio, though I’ll never admit them to my wife…

An interesting avatar – Sure, they’re needless eye candy.  I like candy, what, you don’t? {Don’t believe me? Look at the eye candy I created, embedded in this – but be warned, keep it away from your eyeballs {not responsible to multiple perforations}.}

A feminine name – Opposites really do attract.  Since I’m a man, my eye is drawn to feminine names much faster than it is to masculine ones.  That is the plain, unadorned truth, and no – I have no idea how it manages, but trust me, it does.  Obviously if this is real, {not the normal raving of my insane mind}, then feminine eyes should be drawn to masculine names {assuming a heterosexual preference}, I’d love to hear what you think about this.

Positive Tone – In every honest evaluation I’ve made of my own character, no matter how much I feign optimism, I’m a skeptic.  My root nature is negative, I’m an aging man, long past his prime, recently past self-deceit, and ultimately reconciled that I’m not Positive.  I’m ashamed, (well of course I am, silly, I’m a negative person).  Once again, the opposites attract rule holds true – upbeat, positive biographies attract me far more than down in the dumps self-pity.  I’m really hoping some of that positivity will rub off on me (nah, that’s an outright lie :)), though I do enjoy reading upbeat posts as much as downbeat.

A Victim – to my charms, and more importantly, the goods I’m trying to purvey.  What might those goods be?  Well, perhaps “goods” isn’t the right choice of wording – indeed some might better term them “awfuls”.  They’re my words, of course – I’m trying to gain an audience for my words… some of them are even in book form, and no I’m not going to make this easy for you – you’ll have to visit my website to learn more.  {Wait a moment, why you’re already here! Why not browse around, and laugh – at me, or with me, your choice.}

I hope you enjoyed this article. If you did, perhaps we can meet up on twitter and chat, or if you’d like a glimpse into the thoughts I hold most dear, in reverse chronological order, well – head on over to “[Tweets]“.  If not… well, I’m delighted to have wasted your time 🙂

{Disclaimer}. I’m no expert in social media, so read this at your risk… It took my favorite middle daughter, Dannielle, saying “Why don’t you just buy Twitter followers” to prompt me to action, needless to say I ignored that “advice”.

I’ve had a Twitter account a while now, and completely failed to recognize it for what it really is.  I opened the account the day I released my first book, very occasionally I’d log into it, post a thought, and log out.  I’d look at the followers, and following tags and think “How rude! I certainly don’t want people following me – that’s almost like stalking.  And I certainly don’t want to follow anyone, I’m an individual with views of my own – I don’t want anyone telling me what to think, I get enough of that every time there’s a political commentary…”  And that, was that.

Then, a while ago, and without my having any idea how – the “following” tag suddenly had a number next to it.  Bingo! an email appeared, loudly {well, subduedly [sic], since I use FireFox addons to kill almost everything that isn’t text} proclaiming “@LynnHallbrooks is now following you on Twitter!”  I felt a strange surge of surprise, an inexplicable, puzzled tingle.  It prompted me to new heights, making me spill some words in a “Tweet” {along with the coffee I was sipping}.

Things settled down, days went by, the earth resumed its interrupted orbit of the sun. Then, another shock!  Another email, and the number climbed to two.  Another burst of inspiration, another bizarre tweet {I’m finding myself prone to these}.  I held my breath, and sure enough… the world began rotating, again.  “Wow”, I thought, “This is really, really easy!  All I’ve got to do is kick the world every time Twitter stops it, and life goes on.  By the end of the century I’ll have almost a hundred followers…”  Life was good…

I don’t know what made me do it, I swear, perhaps the voyeur within I strive so hard to suppress – I just don’t know… anyway, I clicked on “@LynnHallbrooks”.  My dread, that this would cost me another painful detoxing of a thoroughly infected computer, subsided even as my interest arose.  Lynn Hallbrooks, is a real person (at least, I think she is), she has a website and is a fellow writer.  This time, the world stopped for much longer.  It took significant effort to force it into motion, but I managed {or none of us would still be here, obvious as that might seem, I thought I should mention it…}.  Sadly, that extended delay cost every one of us dearly – our planet is now damaged, and will continue to be more so with every tweet I make.

Don’t blame me for this, for I was an innocent drawn into Pandora’s Box by this strangely named “@LynnHallbrooks”… Blame her, or perhaps the wicked trickster who trapped her in this web before me {come to think of it, all of YOU are to blame – that’s right – I mean @you!}.

{RemovesTongueFromCheek} Actually, I’d like to thank Lynn, though I don’t know her from a bar of soap {I’m pretty sure it’s the lavender scented variety}.  Thanks Lynn, for introducing me to this strange gathering, you were my first actual follower!

PS. If you enjoyed this unabashedly honest litany of lies, say hi to Lynn and drop by anytime to read more ravings of a rambling lunatic {that, would be me}, when I’ll talk about my thoughts on what made me click the “Follow”’s that I clicked, and (possibly more importantly) what made me pass on others.

{Update 1} As promised here’s a link to my Thoughts, on Twitter Bio’s

{Update 2} Here’s another link, to my motivations for using Twitter.

{Update 3} And, another, to tools to try and control Twitter {I’m failing, dismally}.

If you’re interested in origins, as am I, this particular tale started on Twitter. You can read the unfolding twitter tale here.  Or, if you prefer to view the thoughts I hold most dear, well – head on over to “[Tweets]“.

What can you expect from me, on Twitter? If you stay, you’ll find my thoughts, phrased in my own words. Very occasionally I’ll quote others, more often my own books – after all, marketing Malmaxa was my principle motivation for tweeting, though that may change.  Everything comes at a price – mine, is words you may often dislike.

If you’ve chosen to remain, my sympathy – no place is this, for the faint of heart… nor those with minds set, and unchangeable.
Lack time for verbiage?  No problem, either leave now, or jump straight to my favorite tweets, there to judge me worthy as a fellow to follow, or not – after all that’s why we’re all here {I think}.

• Who, and what am I, at least to Tweeters?
  A teller, of twisted truths, as I see them.
  A caster of complexity, my net… words, ripped from my heart.
  A social media newbie, entirely unmotivated to change that irrelevant aspect of existence.
  A contrary, thorny old man, as my avatar depicts.
  Difficult to tolerate, till you realize I’m not arguing against you, but with you.
  An enjoyer of thinking, and of reading the results of other’s ramblings, and responding.
  A lover of lyrical words, striving always to accomplish such, and failing, too often.
  Honesty, hidden within deliberately deceptive words.
  A frequent laugher.
  A youthful soul, trapped in age.
  A detester of no one more than myself {though some come awfully close}.
  A turner, of contradiction in phrase.
  A seeker of like {and unlike} minded people, with revealing, contrary comments to share.
  A name, borrowed from an honorable man, now immortal in my heart.
  The creator of a broken genre… philosophy, couched as fantasy, look elsewhere within my blog for tracks to trails leading to my {unique?} form of metaphor, or not.
  Father of four, husband of one, favorite middle child of seven, brother to four, grandfather of one {but hoping}, lover of one… and of many minds.
  A Dreamer.
  A troubled Soul with thoughts to spare, and to share.
  Not normal, though I appear so – to those I do not know.
  A Gemini, wrapped in its guise of three.
  A negative, keep your hands off my half-full glass, type of guy.
  A malcontent, seldom satisfied with my utterances.
  An author, aspiring, perspiring, and very very trying.
• What am I doing on Twitter, and why am I bothering you?
  Easy, is the truth? Of course…
  I seek an audience who might be as touched by my writings, as am I for penning them.
  An audience, who’ll listen to things I’m still to say – and have insights of their own to share – dare I hope, that might be you?
• What’s up with the weird avatar?
  My tagline used to contain the words “a thorny old man”, thus my pictorial depiction is a representation of what my “mark” might be {in my series, Malmaxa} – assuming I had a role in that tale, which I don’t.  The symbol visualizes the thorns of the Segattoo, which are used by Symbologists to etch the marks of family within the Souls of the Seizen. Though I’m no graphic artist, I’m proud of my effort – here it is, slightly larger.

For the tolerant few who’ve reached this far, a reward – a vision of loveliness, adorned, with her heritage

• What made me choose you, or vice-a-verse?
  If you chose me, my thanks! Rest assured that once you reveal yourself with words, I might follow you, and thus will our circle begin.
  If I chose you, well…
  I cheated, finding you in a multitude of tricky manners.  Perhaps associated with someone I know.  After reading your bio I either turned away, or aimed my mouse and clicked its trigger. The rest… might become history.
  Please don’t send me links to validate who I am.  Since I am not… you’ll get no response, and know the message you never received, was from me.
  Cleanups will occur – assuming I ever figure Twitter out, which seems unlikely…
  You can read about the start of my journey into Twitter here, assuming you have time, to whittle away.

murmurs, of a muse ~ amused murmurs ~ you be the judge http://t.co/ZxWbH4ni – Please RT if you enjoy.

— C.G.Ayling (@CGAyling) October 31, 2012

Don’t worry daughter, one day you’ll be as good at finding things as your mother is at hiding them… http://t.co/7sGYK1gj

— C.G.Ayling (@CGAyling) October 5, 2012

My youngest daughter was in a foul mood this morning, seems our wicked house had conspired to hide her shoes – all searches had failed, with no clues on the whereabouts of the missing footwear.  Since I’ve been the victim of similar malign intent on far too many occasions, I attempted to console her – I failed, Julia’s determination to remain angry prevailed…

Though my wife expressed deplorable disinterest in our beloved daughter’s plight, in passing she casually inquired if Julia had showered the previous evening.  “Yes”, Julia grouched.

Two minutes later an evidently satisfied mother returned bearing the errant red shoes.  Suspicious at the speed with which my wife had solved the unsolvable, I turned to Julia and said “Don’t worry daughter, one day you’ll be as good at finding things as your mother is at hiding them…”  Julia’s face cracked, along with her bad mood as she responded “Good one, dad.”

My wife has an almost uncanny ability at finding the things our house goes to such lengths to hide.  Indeed, a little too good…  I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve often accused her of being adept at hiding things in plain sight.

With Julia’s crisis averted, my wife seized opportunity to explain her system of echo-location, “Finding things is simple really, just visualize the object you’re looking for – its size, shape and color, then restrict your search to only that.  Another thing that helps, is backtracking where you last remember having the item.”

I nodded sage agreement, as though I too used these very tactics.  Secretly I thought, “Explain magic any way you will, witch!  I’m on to you – you’re in cahoots with the house…”

 

I took advantage of early voting and wanted to share my choices, and my reasoning behind voting the way I did.

Before I begin, let me say a few things about myself.  I’m very conservative, and believe strongly in personal freedom, offset by personal responsibility.  I’m an independent and consider anyone who votes purely along party lines to be both a dupe, and irresponsible.  They’re effectively abdicating their principle democratic freedom, namely the right to vote, to someone else.  Along with being a freedom, voting is also a responsibility – to evaluate the issues and make subjective personal choices about them.  By voting along party lines, you give away the keys to your kingdom.  Worse, the people to whom you relinquish your rights are biased, and make no bones about being so.

Considering what I’ve already said, you’ve probably already decided how you think I’ve voted – read on and find out how right you might [not] be.

In the interest of reducing the onset of potentially fatal boredom, I’ll restrict this post to the more important issues on my particular ballot.

President – Score: Barack Obama 0, Mitt Romney -9.  No contest, and not because I think Obama is doing a good job, actually I think he’s wasted an extravagant amount of my tax dollars and achieved precious little.  However, the thought of returning to the warmongering excesses of the previous eight years is frightening – I definitely don’t want to go back to the way things were.  Romney’s every word shows him to be a rich man with no intention of paying his fair share.  I am yet to hear what his “plan” to turn things around is.  Here, let me click my fingers and create 12 million jobs – there you are, 12 million jobs created!  Oh dear, what’s that strange gassy sound – could it be the sound of virtual reality deflating…?  Nope, in good conscience I just can’t cast a vote for someone who clearly has no plan worth sharing on how to solve the financial debacle in which we currently find ourselves – sorry, but giving yourself and your cronies a fat tax cut isn’t a “plan”.  My litany of negatives against Romney goes on, and on, and on but that is the main issue I have with him.  Bottom line, I’m not voting for Obama – I’m voting against Romney.

When the best choice is the lesser of two evils, it is time to re-evaluate and restate the question.

— C.G.Ayling (@CGAyling) October 1, 2012

U.S. Senate – Score: Sherrod Brown 5, Josh Mandel -20.  I have no problems with the way Sherrod Brown has voted on any of the major issues.  I have massive reservations as to the character and integrity of Josh Mandel – whom I consider to be an incompetent Treasurer of State desperately trying to buy his way into the “old boys’ club” using political cronyism as coin.  Mandel is too young, and too evidently prone to corruption.

U.S. House of Representatives – Score: Pat Tiberi 8, Jim Reese 0.  I find Pat Tiberi to be fiscally conservative and generally responsible, my only real concern is his tendency to blur the lines between church and state.  I know virtually nothing about Jim Reese.

Ohio House – Score: Donna O’Connor 5, Mike Duffey 0.  I found much more information available on what Donna O’Connor stands for than I could for Mike Duffey.  Donna’s goals align well with my own, she is a long time teacher (a profession for which I hold the highest esteem), and she seems concerned by the unashamed bias toward the wealthy evidenced in current Ohio politics.  From impartial information I can discern, Mike Duffey is just a politician, (a profession for which I hold low esteem).  In a way I am sorry to see Donna transition from a laudable profession into the mud-pit of politics, but I wish her well.

State Issue 1 – Convention To Revise, Alter, Or Amend The Ohio Constitution. No.

State Issue 2 – State-Funded Commission To Draw Legislative And Congressional Districts. Yes, right now there is frantic gerrymandering by the winners of each Ohio election as they seek to ensure their supporters get an unfair advantage in the next election.  Both parties are guilty of this abhorrent behavior.  Voting “yes” on Issue 5 changes this into a more efficient and equitable system.

State Issue 48 – Dublin City School District, Bond and Tax Levy.  Yes.  Dublin Schools are some of the highest rated in the nation, I don’t want to see that change.

State Issue 56 – Franklin County Office on Aging, Tax Levy. Yes.  It takes money to provide services to the aged, who deserve to be treated with dignity.

~C.G.Ayling – Please, take the time to vote, and vote as your conscience dictates.

In response to a comment by Tina Onu on my seldom visited FaceBook page, which read “When is the next book out? I have finished reading the second book and I felt cheated because it ended and I wanted the rest of the story.”

Hi Tina, thanks for commenting. I’m pleased to hear you want the rest of the story, and saddened you feel cheated.

If history teaches us anything, it is that we seldom learn from history – bearing that lesson in mind, it took me almost a year to release the second novel.  Assuming that faulty precedent, I anticipate releasing the third novel in the series around May of 2013 – however, I must warn you that though you will have a much deeper understanding of Malmaxa, Book III is unlikely to complete the tale of the Seizen and the multiple characters I hope you are coming to know.

As you no doubt realize, Malmaxa is a very complicated story.  I like to think of it more along the lines of tapestry formed by the threads each of the multiple storylines within the whole comprise.  Once these threads successfully merge into a coherent whole, Malmaxa will be revealed.

You haven’t experienced truly unconditional love until you’ve been chosen by a dog.

We have a dog named “Bacon”.  My wife and daughter found her at the pound, a wondrous place that offers loving animals to caring people.  After bringing home this miniscule puppy, which nestled neatly within the palm of my hand, we soon entered naming negotiations…

My wife and middle daughter were advocating the name “Blondie”.   After a single look at the little dog comfortably sleeping in my hand, I decided that since she so strongly resembled a piece of bacon, “Bacon” would be more appropriate.  My wife then made the mistake of calling a family vote.  {A mistake, since I have no qualms about manipulating matters to suit myself. :)}.

With my wife, Suzanne, and our middle daughter, Dannielle, comfortably resting upon the laurels of a sure win, I took my son and youngest daughter aside, in order to explain the obscure construct of “voting” to them.

“A vote,” I explained, “is a great thing.  Everyone’s opinion counts equally.  It’s nothing like normal, where your Mom makes the decisions and we all pretend to like it.”

Both nodded sage agreement.

Having adeptly planted the seeds of discontent, I went on to explain a little about the nature of the particular vote we were so lucky to have, “We get to choose the name for our new dog!  Your mom and sister want to name her Blondie…”  I paused to let them grant this preposterous suggestion the scant consideration it was due.

They looked at me as if to ask, ‘Is that not a fine name for a dog?’

I nodded slowly before continuing “… which is a perfectly good name for a dog, after all many people have named their dogs ‘Blondie’.”  They smiled, and nodded.  This was true.

“But…”  Both immediately recognized the caveat they so often used to explain that which was self-evident to any reasonable person.  With their full attention upon me, I went on “…but since she is a unique dog, maybe she should have a unique name.”  A pause, and a smile as I conjured the dog’s image with words,  “She looks just like a piece of fresh bacon, doesn’t she?”

Two nods of agreement.  She did indeed look very much like a piece of fresh bacon – pristine white streaked with bits of pinkish brown.

Content, I said no more and waited till my wife called “the vote.”

I remained silent as Suzanne smiled knowingly at our favorite middle daughter, before saying, “We’re voting to name the dog.  Everyone who thinks ‘Blondie’ is a good name, raise your hand.”  Perfectly on cue two hands raised, Suzanne’s and Dannielle’s.

Into the wide eyed surprise of my wife, I quickly said, “Or if you think ‘Bacon’ is better, then wait.”

Only two hands remained raised, and thus did our dog win her name – Bacon.

Bacon loves us all.  Yet some, she loves more equally than others.

If you haven’t been adopted by a dog, take yourself off to your nearest animal shelter and see if one might bark for you.

Does spin never take a back seat with you, Mr. Akin?  Now you wish to further capitalize on your reprehensible comments about “legitimate rape” by running an advertisement that asks us to forgive you for using “the wrong words”?

You might gain some modicum of sympathy if you were contrite and asked for forgiveness for your stupidity, or simply for making such an appalling and callous remark.  Instead you reveal your true colors – you don’t give a hoot about the victims of rape – namely the women who are raped.  No, you are now apologizing for using the wrong words in the wrong way.  I notice Mr. Akin doesn’t say “I was wrong.”  No, it’s the words that were wrong – not Mr. Akin…

In his apology advert, Mr. Akin says “I have a compassionate heart for the victims of sexual assault. I pray for them.”  How generous!  Your prayers go a long way toward compensating them for the very real cost of the pregnancy and delivery (by the way, that is a cost in cold hard cash).  Your prayers go nearly as far in emotional reparations – in other words, precisely nowhere.

Later in the advert, Mr. Akin states “The mistake I made was in the words I said, not in the heart I hold. I ask for your forgiveness.”  Again, you lay the blame on the words, not the person speaking them.  As to your plea for forgiveness, this is my answer:-

To err is human, to forgive divine, since I am human you don’t get mine!

Mr. Akin, I don’t believe you are worthy of forgiveness until you acknowledge YOU are wrong – completely and utterly wrong.  Perhaps others see this the same way as me, perhaps not.  The polls will tell, and it’s pretty obvious the polls are the only thing you truly care about.

While driving to work yesterday morning, I overheard a snippet on the radio about someone who said that raped women could somehow prevent themselves becoming pregnant.  I was appalled, so I researched it last night.

I’m blogging about it now because, sadly, this kind of unmitigated nonsense has a nasty way of being spun until it disappears from existence over time.  The following is my personal opinion, as is every other post I write.

The fool who alleged this nonsense turned out to be Missouri Congressman Todd Akin.  Since I like knowing the facts, I took the time to listen to precisely what he said, and the tone and context in which he said it.  (Mr. Akin is already trying to put spin on this, my comments on that later).

I transcribed exactly what I heard, becoming more and more appalled with each pass through the audio (I’m a terrible typist and had to listen to his bile at least twenty times.)  For those of you interested it is on the “Jaco Report”, starting at about the 4:00 minute mark in the second clip on http://fox2now.com/2012/08/19/the-jaco-report-august-19-2012/

They are talking about the circumstances in which abortion should be legal.

Interviewer: What about in the case of rape, should it be legal or not?

Congressman Todd Akin: “Well, you know, uhh uhh people always want to try and make that as how do ya, how do ya slice this particularly tough sort of ethical question.  It seems to me, first of all from what I understand from doctors that’s really rare, if it’s a legitimate rape the female body has a way of shutting that whole thing down.”

My comments:  I’m disgusted about everything Mr. Akin said.

Firstly, the question is a simple one.  Should abortion be legal in the case of rape?  This is NOT a “particularly tough sort of ethical question”.  It is an extremely simple question, that a simple Yes, or No serves perfectly well to answer.  You are being asked for your opinion, Mr Akin.   Yes, or No?

Next. “It seems to me, first of all from what I understand from doctors that’s really rare,…”  Mr. Akin allegedly got this “information” from doctors, plural?  OK, bring out these doctors and let them turn into pariahs, just as you are rapidly and most deservedly becoming.

Next.  “if it’s a legitimate rape”  Rape is NEVER legitimate.

Next. “the female body has a way of shutting that whole thing down.”  No. Just NO!  The bodies of female mammals do not have natural, inherent mechanisms to prevent pregnancy, other than abstinence.  If both parties are fertile at the time of intercourse, the female is likely to become pregnant.  Yes, she may spontaneously abort if the fetus is not viable, but she has no control over that either.  She cannot shut down “that whole thing”. What grade level are you Mr. Akin?  Does using stupid euphemisms like “that whole thing” do the question of rape and its long-term effects justice?

Mr. Akin later prepared and released a statement about the interview.  This was not an apology, but more political spin.  My comments appear in italics after each paragraph.

Akin, “As a member of Congress, I believe that working to protect the most vulnerable in our society is one of my most important responsibilities, and that includes protecting both the unborn and victims of sexual assault.  In reviewing my off-the-cuff remarks, it’s clear that I misspoke in this interview and it does not reflect the deep empathy I hold for the thousands of women who are raped and abused every year.  Those who perpetrate these crimes are the lowest of the low in our society and their victims will have no stronger advocate in the Senate to help ensure they have the justice they deserve.”

If you believe protecting the vulnerable is important, then get off your high horse and do it – by starting with the women who are raped.

Your remarks were not “off-the-cuff”, I listened to what you said over twenty times and there is no doubt in my mind that you had prepared and rehearsed every word.

“the thousands of women who are raped and abused every year” WOW!!!!  What universe do you live in Mr. Akin, because is not the one the Earth occupies.  Thousands of women?  Millions would be much closer to the mark.

“Those who perpetrate these crimes are the lowest of the low” – I agree.  Precisely what do you intend to do about these “thousands” of criminals, Mr. Akin?  Oh – you are more interested in punishing their victims than the rapists?

“their victims will have no stronger advocate in the Senate” – than whom?  Certainly not Mr. Akin, who truly believes the punishment for being the victim of rape should last said victim her entire life.

Akin, “I recognize that abortion, and particularly in the case of rape, is a very emotionally charged issue.  But I believe deeply in the protection of all life and I do not believe that harming another innocent victim is the right course of action. I also recognize that there are those who, like my opponent, support abortion and I understand I may not have their support in this election.”

“I do not believe that harming another innocent victim is the right course of action” – sounds laudable… unfortunately the REAL victim, namely the woman who was raped, has to carry the reminder of that crime for the rest of her life.  Compelling her to do so is far beyond cruel, it is abhorrent and despicable.

“I also recognize that there are those who, like my opponent, support abortion and I understand I may not have their support in this election.” –  what an OFFENSIVE statement.  I absolutely do not support abortion and your inference that I do offends me deeply.  Nobody I know supports abortion. Nobody!  What many of us support is a woman’s right to choose. As for my personal belief, it is that a pregnancy resulting from consensual sex between to committed loving adults is a wonderful thing to be cherished.  A pregnancy resulting from rape does not fall within those confines.

Furthermore, Mr. Akin, I would never dream of forcing my beliefs on any woman – she and her physician must live with their consciences in regard to any decision they make regarding abortion.

The rest of Mr. Akin’s statement had nothing to do with the issue of rape, and I will not include it here.

In summary, here is the Tweet I posted this morning:-

Legitimate rape? Unless sex is consensual, conscious, un-coerced and between adults, it is rape. Rape is never “legitimate”, Mr. Todd Akin.