Who am I, and perhaps more to the point, who is C.G. Ayling?
Since people are generally inquisitive, here is a little information about me.
First, and possibly most important to some, C.G. Ayling is the pseudonym of a real person. Charles Gilbert Ayling was a real man, and I – the person using his name as though it were my own – am also a real person. Though I happen to be male, I hesitate to deem myself a “real man” since that is a topic deserving of its own post…
Why am I writing under a pseudonym, you ask? For a number of personal reasons, a few of which I’ll detail here as they might give you an insight into what makes me tick.
C.G. Ayling was my Godfather, and one of the most important people in my life for many years. My father passed away when I was very young, my Godfather took the place of father figure and perhaps as importantly, that of a true friend.
Uncle Charles, as I called him from the day I first met him till the last time we communicated over twenty-two years ago, was a truly honorable and selfless man. He never married, and thus was denied progeny of his own. His branch of the Ayling line ended with his death. There are no children who bear his name, and few surviving people who will remember him now. Frankly, he deserves far more than that. This is my main motivation for taking his name (believe me it is not in vain, but with intent). Even if my work is never a success it is now digitized and has been done so with his name affixed as its author. In a way that grants him immortality in another way than my thoughts.
My Godfather passed away in 1990 after losing the fight to tobacco. Tragically, I never had a chance to say goodbye – he was living in the UK, I was a continent away. He never told me he had throat cancer, and though I know he kept that information to himself in order to save me anguish, it took me many years to forgive him for denying me the chance to bid him farewell. To be denied, by kindness.
I miss him terribly, and always will.
To any of you who think you’re protecting your loved ones by keeping dire knowledge from them, I beg you – reconsider. If you die today, will they be content? Or will they be overcome with guilt, knowing they could have said goodbye – if only they had known? When you die, you’re done – they, however, are left to go on. Don’t make them walk that lonely path filled with regret.
A quote from Beltamar’s War captures my feelings on this sad topic, “Words of love withheld, soon to be forever unvoiced.”
It goes both ways, let them love you, and show your love to them.
If you’d like to see more of my shorter thoughts, also known as tweets, you can find them here.