Isn’t English a wonderful language? So many ways to say the same thing, and so many things the same words can say.
Does the title of the post mean I have taken up a new line of work and am now assisting others in the creation of polished, compelling applications for a new job? No, it doesn’t mean that at all. It means I have once again resumed editing the second book in my series, Malmaxa. An enormous amount of time has been lost. Why? Well my editor took a turn for the worse in her personal circumstances and proved unable to dedicate her time to editing. It is more important for her to spend her time recovering, it is also more important to me that she heal than refine my work. Perhaps in the future she will edit for me again, I hope so, but only the passage of time will answer that question.
Unfortunately that leaves me over six months behind in the editing process. Do I regret the loss of that time? I do not. You see, just as time is never gained, it is also never lost. Time simply passes. In the time that has passed, in those “lost” six months, I have not read The Pilgrimage at all. I now find myself looking on my work with fresh eyes and this is what I see…
Beautiful messages obscured by clumsy words, I see passion and I see pain, I see guilt and disdain, I see love flourish as it is gained. Sometimes I am unable to see at all, for my eyes focus on the eternity scribed into those words so long ago, and sometimes my vision blurs from tears I still find myself unable to shed.
One might think such powerful emotions would drain. They do not. They replenish a well that for many reasons has become depleted.
Emotional energy is like a reservoir, that which we expend on others, others must replenish for us, or pretty soon, we simply run dry.
— C.G.Ayling (@CGAyling) January 5, 2015
Emotional energy is like a reservoir, that which we expend on others, others must replenish for us, or pretty soon, we simply run dry.
I find it fascinating how my own words are proving able to rejuvenate me. Perhaps my prime goal as an author is the sincere hope they do the same for my readers, should they prove willing to delve deeper than the depth of a virtual page.
Yesterday, in a text conversation with my eldest, she asked if I kept a private journal. I replied that I do not. She said, “That surprises me given how active your mind is”. Her answer both flattered and intrigued me. How can a mind ever be inactive? I believe our mind operates continuously, even during sleep. Perhaps sleep regenerates conscious energy from a subconscious pool, which in its turn is regenerated by our conscious thoughts? I like the thought of flows, almost as much as I enjoy the flows of thought.
Back to the topic at hand. Journals might be a good idea. Especially if they allow us to capture the essence of our emotions for later consumption, in the times we find our emotional energy low. Yes, thought of as an emotional battery, journals might be a fantastic idea indeed. In a similar way I am finding Malmaxa is proving itself to be a bottomless reservoir of emotional energy for my sorely depleted soul. Even if the only soul Malmaxa ever replenishes is mine, I consider it a success.
So, let me correct myself. Yes, I do keep a journal. Malmaxa is my journal, as are these words, my Twitter tweets, and every word I write. My journal is extremely private, yet parts of it I am willing to share. I hope you enjoy those parts, and that even when you do not, that they give you food for thought, if not sustenance for your soul.
