C.G.Ayling

Tag: soul

  • on Our Soul’s Counsel

    How can you not hear your soul?  Or, perhaps to you the question is “How can you hear your soul?”

    In a way I don’t have an answer to either question, yet in another way, I have answers to both.

    If you’re fortunate, then at some time in your life something will happen to encourage you to realize there’s a whole lot more to life than mere animated hunks of flesh lumbering about in search of their own hedonistic pleasures.  That moment is when you’ll realize you not only have a soul, but that your soul speaks to you.  If you make the connection and realization which follows it, then you will be fortunate indeed.

    Why?  Because everything will change.

    The need to claw your way to the top of the heap, regardless of who your talons touch, suddenly falls away.  I wonder if you have any concept of how liberating that is?  Sadly, the majority of people don’t.  How can I say that?  Look at the world and you’ll see… so many who think adornments worn on the flesh are more important than feelings that dwell in their hearts.  So many who think that things they hold in their hands are more important than those they hold in their heart.

    At the time of writing this post I’m halfway through my fifty-sixth year.  I was fortunate enough to experience this about five years ago, and it did indeed change everything for me.  My old age is good news, since it means it might not be too late for you.

    I’ve always tried to be understanding – I haven’t changed, I still try, but now I try harder.
    I’ve always tried to be compassionate – I haven’t changed, I still try, but now I try a lot harder.
    I’ve always tried to be tolerant – I haven’t changed, I still try, but now I try a whole lot harder.
    I’ve always tried to be forgiving – I haven’t changed, I still try, but now I try so much harder.
    I’ve always tried to be loving – I haven’t changed, I still try, but now I try to show it, where before I tried to hide it.

    I didn’t really believe in souls, but then something happened and I realized the connection we humans have is simply not “normal”.  I think that is when I realized what a soul is, and how important they are to our overall well-being.  If you’re lucky, something will happen that makes you change.

    Life is not an “accident”, it is something wonderfully mysterious, and it truly matters. All life, not just ours.  Please think about that.

    I listen to mine soul now, and I can’t imagine what it would be like to live without its counsel.  I hope you hear yours, and that it changes your life as positively as hearing mine has changed mine.

    Oh, and no.  This has nothing to do with religious dogma, as evidenced by the multitudes of the religious who blatantly flaunt their worldly wealth.  No, it has only to do with your soul.  I wonder?  Are you one of the fortunate?  Of course you are, yet which type of fortunate are you?

  • Tamryn

    The names that touch our Souls.

    Some think I named our oldest daughter.  Some think I made up her unique name, for until she bore it I knew of no other who did.  I did neither of those things.

    Tamryn.

    While still a teenager I had a dream in which I learnt my first child would be a girl, and that her name was Tamryn.  Not that her name would be Tamryn.  That her name already was Tamryn.  This happened about eight years before I met my then future wife, the same wonderful woman to whom I have now been married for so close to twenty-nine years it doesn’t count.

    Early in our courtship, during opening negotiations, I said this to Suzanne, “Oh, by the way, our first child will be a girl and her name will be Tamryn.” {What are proposals of marriage if not negotiations of crucial importance to our long-term happiness and well-being?}  My statement was an assertion of fact, not a negotiable element in our relationship. To my surprise Suzanne accepted, with the proviso she would have the right to name our second born.  {She did, and Dannielle has rejected attempts to correct the spelling of her given name ever since, but that is an amusing story for another day :)}.

    When Suzanne fell pregnant with Tamryn her gynecologist asked us if we wanted to know the baby’s gender.  Not only do I think such predeterminations are a cop-out, but I already knew both Tamryn’s gender and her name, so I said, “No.”

    For all of you with unborn children, I encourage you to be concerned with your child’s health more than you are with its gender.  Suzanne and I never accepted the often repeated offers of revealed gender for any of our four children, nor did we ever want for gender appropriate clothes or toys.  And yes, there is indeed a fundamental difference between the things little girls and boys like. However, you either know that already or you’ll find out, assuming you are fortunate enough to someday look into the eyes of your own newborn. Believe me when I say that moment is one which will forever change you, and one you will never want to forget.

    Our firstborn was wide awake and alert at delivery.  Tamryn’s inquisitive eyes proclaimed the answer to a riddle she had clearly pondered whilst in the womb, “So this is life!”

    Mere moments after she was born, Tamryn looked deep into my heart.  I will never forget the intelligence I saw within her sparking eyes.  I knew she meant, “life on the outside”, and I also knew she was already an old soul. Indeed, I think it may have been that I knew Tamryn long before either her conception or her birth.

    Could Tamryn have been any other than who she is?  I don’t believe she could.  Just as I don’t believe any of us can be other than who we are.  Yes, many choose to reveal a false face to the world, however I think in their heart they are unhappy and that their soul is deeply discontented with their deception. Is truth finally revealed not a wonderful relief?  I think that the source of that relief may well be our soul.

    Your given name may not be who you feel you are.  If, on some profound level, you are not content with your name then you can change it.  Perhaps you even should.

    But your Soul?

    Your soul is you.  Since you cannot change your soul and it is with you for your forever, do the wise thing… treat it as best you can.  Treat your soul with honesty, for if you don’t you surely cheat yourself.  Listen closely to its seemingly indistinct murmurs, for its words are crystal clear… you need only care enough to hear.

    If you’re interested in old souls encapsulated in the bodies of the young then my work, Malmaxa, might interest you.  Who knows, you may even encounter the Soul I knew long before our Tamryn was conceived.

  • On Pre-Destiny

    change
    it does a soul good…

    Bless is a word I am extremely reluctant to use.

    If we look on good fortune as blessings, we must also look on ill fortune as curses. Either of those is an implicit acceptance of pre-destiny. Either of those is also an implicit acceptance of benign and malign superior entities which are capable of manipulating our fate.

    There are no words I know which are capable of encapsulating my thoughts on this topic.  But even knowing I will surely fail, I’ll try anyway.

    Good fortune indicates luck.  What is luck, save favorable fate?  What is fate but an acceptance of strictures beyond our control?  If we can neither control nor influence our own destiny, what then?

    Is all that remains to quietly accept the vagaries of fate?

    How can we timidly accept that something outside our understanding has predetermined our every thought and deed?

    If there is predetermination then it must be absolute.  It cannot be partial, for if predetermination is only partial then predetermination does not exist at all.

    If we accept absolute predetermination, then since all actions are predetermined we must also accept that absolutely nothing we do matters.

    If we accept nothing we do matters, then we must ultimately accept that we are nothing.

    Nothing… means we must accept that we are not even stardust.

    Formed from the dust of dead stars, we are.

    I can’t accept that.

    I am merely human, and therefore incapable of understanding that which is outside human understanding.

    Now that, I can accept.

    {P.S.  Two blog posts in a single day!!!???  This happens extremely rarely, so don’t let it dissuade you from subscribing to my blog. The subscribe button it in the top right column…}

  • Streams, of Time

    Time is an interesting thing.  We spend it without consideration.  We mistakenly think we’re investing time, yet for what return? The reward of time spent is never time gained. Time, something we can never replenish, seeps from our grasp, until we run out, at last.

    In the past I thought love might be the fuel on which souls operate, but I now see this is likely incorrect. Love is the product of souls, not the fuel they consume. Soul fuel is time, and time is finite.

    Time is like a river flowing by, we can sit idle on its bank, or we can dive in and swim with its flow. Idle spectator, or active participant, in the question of our time only we may make that choice.

    Likewise is time in separate streams.  We have clocks with which we measure it, and those clocks compensate for time differences between disparate parts of this infinitesimally small place we so arrogantly term, “our world”. Yet our clocks cannot combine two time streams into a river, or a myriad time streams into an ocean. Only Fate, an instrument of the universe can accomplish that.

    Sometimes Fate is as a cruel blade, cutting us away from the ones we love. And sometimes Fate is a threaded needle that sows together timelines that once were separate.

    Are we the masters of our destiny, or is destiny the ultimate master of us all? For you, the only one that should decide that, is you.

    As these thoughts pass through my mind, prompted by the difference in the timelines of myself and those most precious to me, I find myself hoping Fate might assume its role as needle, and thread our timelines together.

    Just a hope, but hope springs eternal, or so someone said.

    Your swimming companion, in another stream.

  • Faroene.

    Faroene is one of the principal Heroes within my literal world, Malmaxa. She is also a Warrior, for within Malmaxa no gender distinction exists in the definition of Hero.

    On Twitter, someone asked Faroene to “explain to me exactly what the heck you are”.
    The poem below is Faroene’s response, in character, and in her words. As the author, I merely serve as the conduit between Faroene and the reader.

    ~ Faroene ~
    ~
    My legs are long, my feet are fleet,
    I’ll use their speed, my fate to meet,
    my arms are strong, my swordhand swift,
    boons granted by my Chukrah’s gift,
    ~
    Like blood, my hair is red, my Soul deep, yet blue,
    for recently my heart has been torn in two,
    a man other than my match I met,
    and into my heart, his love hath crept.
    ~
    When comfort in his embrace I took,
    my Soul free from its cage he shook,
    into passion pure and dark I looked,
    such all-abiding love cannot be mistook.
    ~
    I wonder if our love the Gods enraged,
    for when in Ancient Conflict we last engaged,
    into Eternity’s book they scribed a sad, new page,
    for such is a Warrior’s lot, and such our wage.
    ~
    My one true love the Gods laid dead,
    I held him, teary eyes, heart sore,
    till the last Soul tingle to his Chukrah fled,
    as he departed, into Death’s dark maw.
    ~
    And thus does my true love lie lost,
    Within Malmaxa’s walls, I’ll bear honor’s cost,
    A Warrior I am, proud, and true,
    So in Malmaxa, to my match,
    my truths,
    I’ll tell,
    I must.
    ~

    Initially some of Faroene’s poem might seem confusing. If you wish to understand Faroene’s plight and witness her truths, I encourage you to read “Beltamar’s War”, it is the first novel in my Epic Fantasy saga, Malmaxa. Fantasy proves an excellent cover for Philosophy, for within the realms of the fantastic, readers willingly consider thoughts they would never dare dream.

    Should you read my work, and have any questions for Faroene, don’t hesitate to ask her on Twitter where you can follow her as @Faroene. She will answer you in character, however she will not provide any spoilers.  Why?  Because Faroene has no knowledge of forthcoming events.  Faroene is a Warrior, not a Sage – that role is filled by Liaju, whom Faroene has yet to meet.  Should you frame a question to Faroene, please be gentle.  To her,  her world is real – it is ours that seems strange.

    You may also follow me as @CGAyling, and yes – we both follow back.

  • Where lies Eternity?

    Several things motivated this piece. A question from a friend, provoking realization that some truly good things end. One such thing was the very recent passage of a great man, back into the dust from whence all of us were formed.  Nelson Mandela returns to eternity’s pool, there to swim with the likes of other rare souls such as Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa.

    I count myself blessed to have walked upon the face of this earth with two such gloriously serene souls. You should too.

    ~ Where lies Eternity? ~

    Is time the constant that it seems,
    or is it something mystical, and unseen,
    the immeasurable, between,
    varying with the wind,
    slowing its passage past the sun,
    or the age of the heart within.
    ~
    If eternity is merely time,
    does it vary with its where,
    or is it constant, and everywhere?
    Time multiplied, is eternity.
    Yet how measure we,
    this thing we so casually call,
    eternity?
    ~
    Longer than a universe’s life,
    or from a universe’s birth, till its demise,
    the trajectory of light, into a black hole,
    the gravity that marks,
    the circuit of a sun,
    or of a heavenly body, overrun,
    from humanity’s rise, until to its past due fall
    the duration, of a momentous human life,
    or the entire passage, of a seemingly insignificant fly,
    where in all these things, does eternity lie?
    ~
    Or is it shorter still,
    from a dusk, until wherever’s new dawn
    a single day, trapped in a job that we despise,
    hours, spent in bliss,
    with the ones we so will miss,
    the duration of a dream,
    another changeling thing,
    or a minute, in a chastised child’s eye,
    the full circuit of, a single drop of blood,
    as it courses through our veins,
    does eternity terminate,
    when our blood’s movement, ends,
    when our blood becomes still?
    ~
    I think that it might,
    and thus is a soul’s plight,
    to return to the void,
    and there
    to begin,
    Again.

    ~
    {Should you so wish, you may find other bits of thought cast in lyrical form on the page named [Samples], linked above. Or simply browse around my blog, or head back into the web without further pause – your choice, this a moment of your eternity, to be spent as you will.}

  • What, is Soul?

    A few days ago I realized something I intuitively understood when I was very young, yet somehow managed to forget.  Or perhaps more likely, the grindstone of life gradually wore those memories away.  That sudden intuition unlocked the memory of my former knowledge, a strange sort of Déjà vu that prompted a condensed version of this post.

    Where look the wise, to their feet, or to the skies? Seek heaven everywhere, in the earth, and in the air.

    What I’m talking about, is unity.

    When still a toddler I knew the world was alive, and the sun, the stars and moon, and every comet too.  Everything I saw, and all the things too tiny for me to see, or too vast to comprehend was one.  No division of ground and sky, of living and not alive, of heaven and earth.  Those divisions all came later, and as I learnt them, I forgot the truer knowledge of unity.

    Unity…  In another word, oneness.

    How do we forget that we are one with nature?  How have we forgotten that the world on which we dwell is a sibling to the other planets, which in their turn form a single solar body?  See beyond the limits of your eyes and you will see that we are one – one, with the sun itself.  Then gaze further, into infinity itself – realization soon comes that our sun, in unity with a myriad other stars, forms a singular galaxy.  Open your mind still further, and comprehension comes that our galaxy combines with billions of others to form a single universe.

    Everything that is, is one.

    We are, therefore we are one.

    If you’re still here…

    {Believe me – I understand fully if you left a while back. Until a few days ago, I’d have done as I’ve somehow been taught… I’d have snorted derisively and thought, “Metaphysical gobble-de-gook.”  That thought would have closed my mind and led my attention elsewhere.}

    … if you’re still here, you might be interested to know the circumstances in which this revelation came.  I shared this with a confidante on Twitter, however I know she won’t mind my disclosing parts of our conversation. {How do I know that?  I’m confident you’ll figure it out soon, if you have not already.}

    Anyway…

    Feeling trapped in a bad place in my life, I sat down and cradled my head in my hands.  That motion caused me to gaze downward, downward at the inanimate tile beneath my feet.

    When things seem terrible, it’s good – for better times must come.

    Within that inanimate tile, I perceived a face.  A living face cast in stone.  As I looked into its eyes, they looked into mine.

    In that instant I realized we are all connected.  Not just that stony face and me, but all of us.  All, of everything.

    Soul is not only of the living, it is of all, it encompasses us completely and permeates everything.  Yet we don’t see it.  I wonder how we lost that capacity?  By closing our hearts to things we think don’t directly affect us?

    How foolish is that?

    Everything affects us, and everything affects everything else.

    We are not and cannot be alone.

    However, we’re alive, and stone is not.  But stone is from where we come, and to whence we will return. And that stone?  From dust it came, and to dust it will return.  And the dust? That dust once coalesced from space.  And space?  Space is not as empty as we think, for space bonds planets to their sun, suns into galaxies, galaxies into the universe we know, and perhaps the universe we know is not as limited as we make it seem.

    Within us lie enormous quantities of  empty space, in the eerily similar downward spiraling scale of size.  How can that be?  And what do I mean by “eerily similar”?

    We’re alive!  We’re not inanimate matter floating through empty space!

    How certain are we of those assertions?  Look deeper than the surface using a magnifying scale and you’ll see. Rivers flow through our veins, they empty into the lakes of our hearts and our sinuses.  Air seamlessly traverses the walls of our lungs, bonds with the iron in our blood, and is transported throughout our system where it is released only to be recaptured and returned to our lungs where it is exhaled as carbon dioxide, a product the trees consume.  Within us, within our actual physical bodies, air and water are everywhere.

    Now increase the scale of magnification a million fold and look at molecules flowing through the murky soup that is…?  Well, that soup is “us”.

    A million fold again, or some number undefined, and unknown, least to me, and the atoms we are come into view.  Those atoms are our inner solar systems.  Their nuclei are as powerful as suns, and their electrons are their planets.  Measured on such a scale, the empty space between our component atoms is as vast as the distances of our universe.

    We are one.

    Without the elements that comprise the universe we are nothing.

    And that so-called “empty space”, either the monstrous, or the miniscule and minute?

    Why, that is our soul.

    Formed from the dust of dead stars, we are.

    May you find peace.

    I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, please sample Beltamar’s War, which I can promise you it is like nothing you have ever read.  I would really appreciate your support.

  • Character, and Soul.

    Character is the outward manifestation of one’s soul.  Yes, we can fake it – but not for long.

    I’ve decided to expand on some of the Tweets I’ve made that have struck the internet void.  In that mind, here is some of the thinking that occurred behind the scenes, within the dark recesses of a certifiably inane mind.  (And for those of you who don’t know me, which is essentially my entire virtual audience of none, I love puns… you have been warned.)

    Ever wondered what defines and determines a person’s character?  I know I have.

    I think our character is determined long before our birth.  Precisely when, I don’t know, though I suspect it is within that incredibly small period of time in which two separate strands of DNA reform into one.  Would that be “the moment of conception”?

    Should you ask me why, I might refer you to studies done on identical twins separated at birth.  Do some research online, it is mind-boggling how similar they are.  Then compare the natures of normal twins, their moments of conception have to be pretty close, yet they seldom are in character – I know, I have twin sisters.

    Many parents claim responsibility for the character of their children.  They are absolutely correct – in a very small part.  Indeed, without their physical intimacy, their children would never be conceived – if they were never conceived then any question of their character is moot.  However, to believe that your child is the person they are because of the way you bring them up?  Well, that is delusional.  Your treatment of your child certainly modifies the child’s behavior – modification, of their behavior is not change to their character.

    Children  are born with their character, which is an outward manifestation of their soul.  Do you truly think you can shape a soul?  I know I can’t.